Microsoft revolutionizes desktop graphics!

Amazing! Unbelievable! I was absolutely stunned the first time I heard about it.

Now there's a bit of slang that everyone should have in their vocabulary. A "wig" is the ugly girl that almost-pretty girls go out with to make themselves look better. This is the ugly chick that a wingman has to pretend he likes, so that his buddy can make time with the half-way decent chick.

It's sort of like a "beard". A beard, as most people know, is the hag a gay guy goes out with to make it look like he's straight. So, when you see him dancing in a club with another man, wearing leather pants with the butt-cheeks cut out, you can look shocked and say, "sorry, man! I didn't recognize you without the beard."

I just saw a perfect example of wigiitude walk by. It was two girls: One of them was rather plain, but the but other was an out-and-out dogie, ripe fer punchin'. The dogie was rattling on about something, and the normal one had a look on her face like, 'Dude, it's Friday. I'm just bringing you along so I can get laid. Don't talk to me.'

Chicks.

I'm going to start chaining myself to marijuana plants.

I hate hippies.

I'm now no longer in a bar. I'm sitting in a caf in the Portuguese section of Hamburg, drinking coffee and working. Well, blogging. I don't like crowds of people. Well, let's not be negative. I like working in closed, empty spaces. I'm not an agoraphobic; I'm a claustrophiliac.

It might have something to do with working over the local wireless hotpoint here in this part of town. Public Wi-Fi hot-spots are just...unclean. It's the computing equivalent of a 70s bathhouse sex-romp. Every virus in existence is probably swimming around in these soupy, goldfish-infested airwaves. Sure, I'm using OS X, so there's not much chance I'll get glory-holed by some lame-ass XP user who hasn't installed a patch since his 'partner' caught MyDoom in that San Francisco coffeehouse last week, after a drunken AIM session that he neglected to mention. Pervert. Not to mention the fact that any schmo within 100 yards can just fire up Kismet or tcpdump and get a free peep-show.

Boy, they don't make a fuss about bringing you a beer here, do they? My little gay skirt-wearing glass has been empty for about 10 minutes here, guys. Little help?