I'm going to start chaining myself to marijuana plants.

I hate hippies.

Now there's a bit of slang that everyone should have in their vocabulary. A "wig" is the ugly girl that almost-pretty girls go out with to make themselves look better. This is the ugly chick that a wingman has to pretend he likes, so that his buddy can make time with the half-way decent chick.

It's sort of like a "beard". A beard, as most people know, is the hag a gay guy goes out with to make it look like he's straight. So, when you see him dancing in a club with another man, wearing leather pants with the butt-cheeks cut out, you can look shocked and say, "sorry, man! I didn't recognize you without the beard."

I just saw a perfect example of wigiitude walk by. It was two girls: One of them was rather plain, but the but other was an out-and-out dogie, ripe fer punchin'. The dogie was rattling on about something, and the normal one had a look on her face like, 'Dude, it's Friday. I'm just bringing you along so I can get laid. Don't talk to me.'

Chicks.