Saudi Arabians are one of my largest reader demographics, owing to their incessant Googling of anti-Islamic screeds. Why don't you guys just fuck off, then?

The myth goes that the world hates America above all other lands. That's nice and all, but it's just because they expect perfection from us. When the US screws up, it's news. When you assholes do it, it's dog-bites-man-then-maybe-licks-himself-a-bit, before-going-around-in-a-circle-three-times then-taking-a-nap. Do you have any idea what a slow newsday it would have to be before the New York Times ran a headline that said, "Experts say Saudi Arabia full of Jew-Hatin', Uneducated, Fundamentalist, Maid-Torturin', Flat-Earth Believin', Wife-Beatin' Waterheads"? A pretty slow one, I can tell you that. We actually have a nick-name for "Jew-Hatin', Uneducated, Fundamentalist, Maid-Torturin', Flat-Earth Believin', Wife-Beatin' Waterheads", it's called "The Arab Street".

You guys are a boil on the ass of the world, and I hate each and every one of you backwards ass-licks. If it wasn't for oil, you'd all be lined-up behind UNICEF trucks right now, beating each other up over bags of rice, and sucking the cocks of minor UN bureaucrats in filthy alleyways for an extra pack of smokes with "A Gift from the People of Israel" written right next to the Surgeon General's warning.

Think about it: You're one ANWR-drilling away from total irrelevance, and abject poverty. Maybe it's time to learn a new skill, you worthless sacks of beer-shit.

UPDATE: 2nd link updated. Please click "boil on the ass of the world" to read what actually precipitated this entry...

While everyone's linking to Teutonic Titties, might I offer a reality check?

What your wallets, boys, when they start flappin' the funbags!

kevn say:

I said hey, landlord, I can't pay my rent Well, they stole my car back yesterday, and Remco wants me dead. Well, I'm 35 months behind, my landlord wants me out. I said I am so comfortable here, then he punched me in the mouth. I said please turn on my water, please turn on my heat. I said the check is in the mail, man I can't even eat! I said hey landlord, i can't pay my rent Superman won't steal for me, and I don't know Clark Kent. I said hey, landlord, I can't pay my rent I don't believe in money, and I gave up milk for Lent. I've been eating meatloaf and fishsticks for 13 years now. See I'm working on a new book about a man who lives in a trailerpark, across from a K-Mart. The richest man in the world. It's kind of an O Henry kind of thing.

So, I saw this doohickey over at Cold Fury, and decided to check it out. What I thought would be an interesting excercise in spatial modelling turned into a one-way ticket into the Total Perspective Vortex:

I'll just kill myself now.

I realize that I may have offended liberal visitors with my previous post about them trying to keep old people from voting. As a peace offering, may I present:

The Hallibushitler MT Plugin

(based not-so-loosely on the cheeky CanWest Filter)

Just unzip it, put it into your MT Plugins folder, then choose "Hallibushitler" as the "Text Formatting" option.

It'll turn this:

President Bush has a big lead on candidate characteristics, including a 10-percentage point lead over Kerry on which candidate voters think is a "more likeable person." In addition, by 46 percent to 40 percent, voters trust Bush to "provide the country with moral leadership," and by 46 percent to 37 percent the president is viewed as "more likely to keep his word." The candidates are evenly matched on which "has a better vision for the future of the country."

Into this:

President Select Swagger McHallibushitler has a big lead on candidate characteristics, including a 10-percentage point lead over Kerry on which candidate voters think is a "more likeable person." In addition, by 46 percent to 40 percent, voters trust Cheney's Lapdog to "provide the country with moral leadership," and by 46 percent to 37 percent the President Select is viewed as "more likely to keep his word." The candidates are evenly matched on which "has a better vision for the future of the country."

Then again, it might just be easier to read the New York Times, which pretty much does the same thing.

Have fun!