The world, without the moral guidance that only a Pope can bring, refused stubbornly once again this afternoon to spin out of its orbit and into a black hole of anal sex-play and contraception. The will of the West seems to be made of sturdier stuff.

At any rate, it's time to play plant the Pope. I wonder if the Catholics will go nuts and knock him out of his coffin and tear off parts of his body to keep as relics. Nah, only a bunch of complete nutjobs would pull that kind of stunt.

Well, just got through with the really tough work, and now it's time for a cookout! Y'all have a nice weekend, and don't forget Saturday Night at Manuel's Tavern!

Wow, now this is what I flew all the way over here for. It's 80 degrees outside, sunny, and I'm sitting in a café in East Atlanta, drinking coffee and enjoying wireless, surrounded by big, comfy chairs and non-judgemental people of mixed races who are also tapping away on laptops, although generally of the *ahem* Windows variety. Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you, just saying.

Of course, the whole café is non-smoking, but I'll look past that. I'm not sure I can get any work done in such a clean-air environment, but I'll give it a shot. Or go play frisbee, one or the other.

UPDATE:

Ouch. Sorry baby, but as they say: better her than me.

Debauchery for a Good Cause.

On Saturday, March 26th, there will be a benefit for Frank of Virginia-Highlands at Manuel's Tavern on North Avenue. Frank collapsed four months ago at work, and has been in the hospital ever since. He has fought his way back to possible recovery, even after doctors pronounced his case hopeless months ago. He's back from the brink of death, but will probably be in the hospital until at least early next year.

So, there will be a trivia contest, lots o' drinking, and lots of interesting people to meet, including me, Rube. All the proceeds are going to Frank's hospital bills.

Check back here for the exact time, and updates.

Frank's not doing too good. The time for Saturday is 7:00 PM, and y'all are all welcome to come by for free food and drink, as long as you pay the $25 for admission. Now come on out and get yo trivia on. Says Leigh. And she should know.

Howdy, Folks! (Hey, Sweetie!)

Been a couple a days. How y'all doin'? I landed in Atlanta on Monday afternoon, and have spent a little time settling in. It's a lot better than I thought it would be. There are W '04 bumper stickers everywhere, for example, and a nice low buzz of fear instilled by Bushitler and his jack-booted thugs at CNN and the Atlanta Journal-Consitution. That Rove is a genius; his tendrils are everywhere, and Project AmeriKKKa is coming along nicely.

Spent a little time with the cat, restrained myself from whipping my mom's new poodle with an electrical cord, and celebrated my grandmother's 74th birthday last night in the one bad mexican restaurant in north georgia, the one without any vegetarian dishes. And when did mexicans come up with a "brisket burrito" anyway, what the hell?

At any rate, I'm tooling around Atlanta now, in case any you North Georgia boys want to get together and warm up a little for the Wreckyll. Yacht Club, anyone?

Yabu's actin' all high-brow on us, telling us we're watching too much television, and that we should read books. Well, I say 'fuck that'. If I wanted to read a book, I'd join the boy scouts again or something similar, where you'd be expected to read books and stuff, weak metaphors notwithstanding.

I can think of several movies that were better than their book counterparts:

"The Shawshank Redemption", for example. The book (short story actually) was great, but the film was even better.

"Stand By Me" was based on a story in the same book, and it was also a damn fine movie, which I found better than the written version.

"One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" is also a possibility. Both the book and movie pretty freaking good.

"Bladerunner" walks all over the short story it was based on, "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sleep", as does "Star Wars", which was a book Lucas wrote a couple of years before the movie came out.

"Re-animator" is better than the H.P. Lovecraft story it was based on, although that's not really fair, considering the story was only about 3 pages long.

"Bram Stoker's Dracula", corny as it is, is less corny than the book. The book is absolutely horrible.

Frankenstein, however, is a great book, even better than the fine film version starring Robert de Niro, IMHO.

"The Ten Commandments" is better than the Bible, if only because it's shorter and got better editing.

There.

I almost never trust my gut. He's almost always wrong, for example when he's telling me I'll puke if I drink one more whiskey. Pfffft. I haven't puked due to alcohol or illness in over 10 years, I'll tell you when I'm a-done drinking, you bastard little gut. You mind your own business, like processing large amounts of fiber and vegetable material into nigh-unpassable log-jams that are shameful yet exhilarating for the right people. For my kind of people.

At any rate, in reference to what Sam's got up at the moment, I'll agree with little mister pay-your-bill-and-let's-get-some-sleep gut. That chick killed her own driver after the motor block got shot out and the car ground to a halt. Maybe even before. There's no way that an Italian Secret Service agent is going to try and run an American roadblock, period, especially not to protect a communist reporter, which is worse than counter-productive: It would be the quickest way to get her killed that you could think of. Secret Service agents, even Italian ones, are many things, but they're not stupid. That's a high-skills job.

We all know it; she should just admit. Bitch killed her own bodyguard, mark my words.

My girlfriend is in the shower right now, preparing for her big night. She's old enough now, so I figured it's time for her introduction to the beautiiful, sensual world of Southwestern Corn Bread. When she comes back to the kitchen, I'll have it waiting for her, hot and ready. She's Bavarian, and therefore had a conservative upbringing, where the subject of Southwestern Corn Bread was often treated as taboo, or dirty, something to be done with shame or loathing, and only when absolutely necessary.

This is where I feel our different backgrounds complement one another. Where I come from, Southwestern Corn Bread, when shared among two people who love each other, is a beautiful, noble thing. Perhaps the best of things. It is something to be celebrated; it is something that binds two people closer together.

I'll be gentle, and take the burden of the Southwestern Corn Bread upon myself. I repeat, I shall be gentle. Perhaps when I'm back in Germany, we can invite her sister over for some hot 2-on-1 Southwestern Corn Bread action.

UPDATE: That may very well have been the best damn piece of Southwestern Cornbread I've ever had. Just...damn!

but I was bored, and figured a little self-meme-abuse was in order. So, let's see, what's the nearest book. Ah, "Vor Drehbeginn. Effektive Planung von Film- und Fernsehproduktionen." (Peter Dress)

Page 123:

Bei Pfändung und Beschlagnahme auf den Auszahlungsanspruch, ruht dieser und tritt erst wieder in Kraft, wenn die Pfändung und Beschlagnahme aufgehoben ist. Der Produzent tritt bereits jetzt alle Rechte und Ansprüche aus sämtlichen abgeschlossenen und noch abzuschließenden Verwertungsverträgen, in dem in 4 Ziffer 2-genannten Umfang hiermit an die Bank ab. Die Bank nimmt hiermit die Abtretung an.

You dig that? Die Bank nimmt hiermit die Abtretung an, dude. Words of wisdom, my friend. Words of wisdom.

So so, the open source community is abuzz that the Mozilla Foundation is considering dumping the Mozilla Suite in favor of Firefox. I thought that was the plan all along, but I guess I was mistaken.

I like using the Mozilla Suite for several reasons. I'm the kind of person that takes notes with the HTML composer, because it generates cross-platform, linkable, formattable documents, and plus the little button's always been down there in the lower left-hand corner. The mail client is better than Thunderbird, and has worked well with IMAP servers since at least Netscape 4. The chat client always struck me as a waste of 8x16 pixels. The sidebars are cool.

That being said, I've not used it for months on Windows, and only sparingly on Mac or Linux. On Windows, Firefox is the go-to guy, because I rarely surf on Windows anyway and I'll be damned if I'll fire up that spyware-injector from Microsoft. On Mac and Linux, however, KHTML has got me convinced.

C'mon, KDE geeks, and get Konqueror and KMail ported over to Windows!

Dear fellow residents of Germany: If somebody's raping you on a daily basis, are you sure you want to start paying for their Viagra? Jungs, don't load the mugger's gun for him, 'k?

via Augie

Why is it that under Linux, in this year of our Lord 2005, Firefox still hangs when XMMS is running? Why is it that all my CUPS print queues are named lp-something, with the comment 'configured by redhat-printer-config-0.6.x', when I'm not running Red Hat, but Fedora Core 3? Why is there still no way to reconfigure X11 without restarting it? Why is all this a problem, when Linux is supposedly the most advanced operating system evar?

Well, because Linux isn't really the problem. Linux is a kernel. It works pretty well, all things considered. Firefox isn't the problem either, nor is XMMS. Firefox hangs because XMMS has the sound card open, and some browser plugins really don't like that. Apparently they don't teach people to thread around blocking calls in programming class any more. The problem is integration, and it exists in Linux because people are so busy tossing out cookie-cutter distributions that nobody thinks about actually making sure their shit is usable.

The open source community has given anyone looking to build their own desktop a huge head start. There are building blocks for every aspect of system functionality, but there still isn't anyone who's tied them together into a free desktop without making a huge mess of things. Consider the following open source software projects:

• CUPS
• Samba
• Apache
• X.org

•
These are system-level services that are useful on any desktop. One interesting tidbit about these packages is that they are simultaneously available on the world's most usable operating system, Mac OS X, and the world's least usable operating system not written in Brainfuck, Linux. The difference between the two is only in management complexity. OS X has a preference pane which controls basic configuration options for Samba, CUPS, and Apache. With Linux distributions, virtually no work was put into making sure these programs are either easily and consistently configurable or even installed with sensible defaults. They just took the things, made RPMs out of them, and tossed the steaming pile out the door. Otherwise, there's no difference between the platforms' implementations of these software packages.

Well, there is one thing: X11. X11 on Linux is a dinosaur, and is the single biggest impediment to a good free desktop. There's been some progress made after the implosion of XFree86, but the initial spurt of activity seems to be over, and we're still editing XF86Config and restarting eighty times just to get the fucking mouse-wheel to work. Except now it's called xorg.conf, but don't let the name fool you, it sucks just as bad. X11 on the Mac, on the other hand, just works, as we've come to expect. It's not made by X.org, and is not a fork of XFree86 as far as I know.

For a while, I was convinced that Linux's problem was the sheer complexity of the installations out there today. I've got a Fedora Core 3 server in the office with 799 RPMs installed. A server shouldn't need that many, in my opinion. I mean, really, what do I need X11 and gnome-print for if neither X nor Gnome are on the server? It's irrelevant, really. The problem isn't the complexity of the distributions, at least not directly. It may seem like an insurmountable job for the distribution's builder's just to make sure everything works without crashing, let alone actually trying to get any of the own software written that may make something useful out of the 4-gig 'basic' installation.

So maybe, just maybe, they should just start with a base package of the kernel, and nothing else. Tack on an FTP client. Make sure it works correctly, test it a bit. Ok, now let's take a look at those building blocks.

CUPS

I'll admit, I was taken in at first by this article on CUPS' usability problems. CUPS does fail to provide a sensible printing environment for users who just want to print, which would mean most of us. Then I thought about the fact that OS X uses CUPS without the problems this fellow had. In fact, the CUPS problems I've had using OS X only showed up when I was using a Linux machine as a server. Under Linux, I still have absolutely no idea which driver I should use for my HP Deskjet 930c. There are about 50 different drivers called 'New Deskjet 900-series' in the configuration pages, and some foomatic things, and then there's some gimp-print drivers that almost sound like what I need, and all the ones I've tried out to this point provide truly shitty output when printing from a CUPS client, be it OS X or Linux.

Connected to the Mac, it just works, and OS X filters the printer drivers in some way, so that the correct printer driver is easy to find and provides good-looking output. So, the CUPS system itself is not the problem. It needs a management UI, which should be provided with the distribution, and it needs to be installed with sensible defaults. It's my LAN, I want to print to that shared printer, OK?

Samba

I'm comfortable configuring samba from the smb.conf file, but aside from changing the server string and the workgroup, there's nothing to see here, move along. Build a start-stop applet, and put it where I can find it.

Apache

We're trying to build a networked desktop here, so let's just make another start-stop button for this thing. Some sensible defaults, like user-directories enabled, run on port 80, and show directory listings, don't follow symlinks, you get the picture. Ok, we're moving now!

X.org

This is really hopeless. There are no sensible defaults, because of the wide range of graphics hardware and input hardware out there. This is the most basic piece of a GUI-based system, and it's the weakest point of integration in any Linux distribution I've ever installed.

I've never seen a customized or enhanced version of X11 in a Linux distribution. Have you? There are no effects or enhancements that don't come first through the CVS at X.org, which is a rocky, bare, and lethargic place just like its predecessor at XFree86. I'm not sure how well anyone can create management tools for X.org, but maybe somebody out there will one day make a xorg.conf-editor that actually works half as well as the display properties dialog in Windows XP.

Once we've got these 3 elements & 1 albatross working stably, Linux will actually be ready to move into the user applications level of integration. That part should be easy.

My girlfriend had to get up early this morning and go to the doctor. Some sort of girl thing, I believe, and I've left the details as sketchy as possible in my little pea brain. Right before she left, she bent over to give me a little peck on the forehead, and my first experience of the morning was a face-full of beautiful, shining cleavage. Every day should start that way.

After she came back from the doctor, we ate breakfast. I didn't have much of an appetite, so I pardoned myself early and got ready for work. When I came back into the kitchen, she was sitting in the corner of the kitchen, playing footsie with herself. I'm still not exactly sure what that was about, but it was strangely exciting.

On the way to work, I walked past a clothing store, and there was an attractive young asian woman fondling a naked female mannequin. She was just staring into space, running her hands slowly up and down the hips of this well-proportioned, though headless and armless torso. She noticed me licking the glass and giggled nervously. She probably realized she had been added to that twisted playlist that runs on repeat in the dollar-a-minute peep-show booth that my brain has become.

Acidman's writing about bats. I used to be afraid of spiders, but I was never afraid of bats. Bats were always kind of exotic and cool, even though they were everywhere when I was a kid. Spiders, on the other hand, were just flat-out scary. I despised those hateful little bastards. It probably dated back to the time when we were swimming at my grandpa's pool, and my dad got out of the water and put on his tanktop, only to discover that a black widow had moved in and staked out a claim. Despite being a big tough man who had survived marriage, spoiled children, and repeated attempts by the Viet Cong to shorten his life, his reaction could only be described as "losing one's shit." Not that I blame him. He handled it a lot better than I would've. At least he didn't scream, "for the love of God, take the children!" as I undoubtedly would've.

Despite being somewhat tough in other respects, I suffered for years with arachnophobia. Even little wolf-spiders would set my blood a-curdling. I never got over the fear until I met this little beauty: the Gold Weaver Spider, of the Australian Persuasion(I've got a great photo of this bastard. I'll post it as soon as I can find it). The Gold Weaver is about as big as a dinner plate, and likes to build her web across bike paths and swimming pools. She's the biggest land spider in the world, and I actually touched one. That was right before I wet my pants, screamed like a girl, and finally got over my arachnophobia. Pretty much in that order.

As for bats, Australia doesn't really have bats, as far as I can tell. They've got flying foxes. Picture a bat with red hair and a 7-foot wingspan, and you've got a flying fox. If you're scared of anything in the animal kingdom, just go to Oz, and you'll see enough of them on a day-to-day basis to get over it.

It's cold outside and snowin' like a bastid. I could really use a warm, sunny patch of grass and a cooler full of Budweiser right about now.

1. Who the hell do you think you are?

I am the all-being, master of space, time and dimension. And I live in Europe.


2. So, other than blogging, what's your job? Do you work at some fast food joint, dumbass?

I am a self-employed designer, programmer, writer, and network administrator. Fast food joints pay better.

3. Do you have like any experience in journalism, idiot?

I am, hilariously enough, a book critic for a local magazine. That cracks me up.

4. Do you even read newspapers?

In Europe, you don't 'read' newspapers. You turn to page three and look at tits, the way God intended.

5. Do you watch any other news than FOX News propaganda, you ignorant fool?

I don't get Fox. In fact, I don't have a television. I used to have a television in my old apartment, but there were never more than three channels that came in, and they were always showing cheese documentaries.

6. I bet you're some moron talk radio listener too, huh?

I have no car, and thus no radio. I listen to 80s trash on my iPod sometimes, though.

7. So, do you get a fax from the GOP each day for what to say, you @#$% Republican parrot?

No, I get my marching orders per email.

8. Why do you and your blogger friends want to silence and fire everyone who disagrees with you, fascist?

Because they disagree with us, and it's unpleasant when people agree with us. Get me?

9. Are you completely ignorant of other countries, or do you actually own a passport?

See 1.

10. Have you even been to another country, you dumb hick?

See 1. I went to Belgium once, too. I think that's in Europe, too, but they talk all funny.

11. If you're so keen on the war, why haven't you signed up, chickenhawk?

Because I am what the kids today would call a 'pussy'.

12. Do you have any idea of the horrors of war? Have you ever reached into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face?

No, but this one time I dropped acid, and I reached into a pile of silvery, morphing goo that used to be my best friend's copy of "Watchmen" (Dave Gibbons, Alan Moore). Very unnerving.

13. Have you ever reached into any pile of goo?

Yes. While making veggie burgers, you'll spend about 15-30 minutes with your hands in a big pile of lentils, mashing them into a sort of yellow-brown paste that smells like the breath of Satan with curry-powder for effect. Then, you stuff the lentils into a plastic bag and lay them on the patient's chest to avoid contamination, and calmly administer morphine while waiting for a medic.

14. Once again, who the hell do you think you are?!"

I...I don't remember. I used to be taller and better-looking. And funny. Now, I'm going bald on my left leg and can't think of anything to say.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to get down to the immigration office and get my residence application turned down.


Via Ravnwood

Woof! Woof!

Well, hey Lassie! What's the trouble?

WOOF!

What's that you say?! Rube's trapped under a Dell Inspiron 5100?! We've got to help him! I'll get Paw!

A customer just brought this abomination of a clunker to me for fixin'. I've become such a smug Mac fanboy that I almost refused. This thing is a Cadillac among computers: Weighs about 11 lbs., creaks and squeaks when you type on it, and most of the little rubber feet have fallen off the bottom. The visual design is tasteless and obvious, made with cheap materials, something like a Trabbi with metallic-blue plastic wheels (which actually complements XP quite nicely). The track pad is squirrelly, and clicks and drags and jumps and springs like a dusted-up ferret.

Speaking of which, it also required a repair-install of Windows XP, which just served to sweeten the mixture. You'll never see such a dismal, patronizing display of wrong-headed tips, hints, and Are-You-Sure? stubbornness as the re-loading of a Microsoft operating system. It looks like a Warhol painting reproduced by a color-blind retard. Well, another color-blind retard. Everything is painted in primary colors, with enormous window controls and constant beeps, bloops, and blips that only distract you while trying to crack the activation scheme. And was somebody really so impressed by that over-saturated meadow photo that they decided to make it the default desktop background in perpetuity?

I've never understood how Dell can constantly be rated tops in support. This machine has a well-known problem, judging by the comments at ZDNet or just about anywhere else you check: The heat-sink isn't protected from dust in any way, and so the desktop-version 2.8GHz P4 that's sitting on the motherboard just overheats and shuts off the computer every 5 minutes. The customer spent the last 5 days talking to Dell support about this, and the first solution was always to re-install the operating system. That's always Dell's solution, it seems. Apparently, they've moved that troubleshooting tip up to the call center, instead of back at the repair shop where it belongs.

All you need to do to 'fix' this problem, is blow really hard into the fan vent on the backside of the computer. It may not be a real fix, in addition to looking rather silly, but it works. Then, to get around the poor design decision of putting the fan on the underside of the computer, where something as simple as missing rubber feet will cut off all air flow to the processor, you just slide a slim cd jewel case underneath the front edge of the computer. Asuming it isn't crushed by the sheer weight of the computer, it should give just enough room underneath for air to get in.

The next problem was that, after all the damage done by the Dell support guys, including the wholesale deletion of the C:\Windows directory, none of Dell's hardware worked correctly. USB ports? Forget it. Dell's answer: Re-install. My answer: 1 minute with Google to find the solution (thanks, Mr. Greene, nice work). It was this way with almost all problems the laptop had, and it's a story I will repeat inexhaustibly the next time I'm explaining to them why a $2000 P4 laptop is a worse choice than a $2500 Powerbook. Looks great on paper, but brother, the shit just...don't...work. It's made to the lowest standards, and the tech support solutions you receive are actually worse than the problem. I don't blame them: I wouldn't want to support XP either. But that was their decision. They should start developing to SkyOS.

I've never like Dell. I've always found their combination of stodgy, Warsaw Pact case design coupled with pimp-of-the-minute detail work disastrous. They can't give effective support for their products, and often border on destructive 'troubleshooting' tips that are obvious time-buying ploys to get the customer off the phone. I've had my differences with Apple tech support, but not once did the first support-o-droid on the phone tell me to reformat my hard drive to fix an overheating problem. Over-priced junk, the whole line.

I just made square biscuits. That's how lazy I am.

who doesn't care if I'm a one-way mirror?
who's not frightened by my cold exterior?
who doesn't ask me questions?
who doesn''t want to scold me?
who doesn't look for answers?
who just wants to hold me?

(hint: Isn't this a dream come true? Isn't this a nightmare, too?)

It will slip through your fingers like sand, the energy of your youth. At some point, in your dotage, you'll hear a song that will remind you of a girl you knew, maybe when your were seventeen, or maybe thirty. You may push it out of your mind for a while; a few decades, and years, and lifetimes, but there it is, waiting for you, in a little-visited dusty corner of your mind, where the cobwebs gather like ghosts. There was once a child in you, in all of us, who struggled against the world, and the limits it set for him, arbitrarily. This child had dreams, and plans for the future, and limitless possibilities. It's easy to hate this child, with his bright future and idealistic sensibilities. The reflex of old age is to hate such children, to despise their ignorance. But I've got a special relationship with the eager beaver behind me. I listen to him, and think about what he wants. There were dreams, and longing, and heartbreaking hopes between fast friends, all but forgotten now, lost in the din of the small worries that mar an adult life.

The only thing that stood in my way then is gone now. I'd do well to remember that.

Not after tonight, at any rate.

Barbecue, anybody?

Welcome to the pleasure dome, Howie. Lawrence, Kansas, the heart of conservative America, not to mention far-right gunslinging drug-addled nutcase William S. Burroughs, lordy, where are they when you need them, those big-iron boys.

danny say:

It's a dead man's party
Who could ask for more
Everybody's comin', leave your body at the door
Leave your body and soul at the door . . .

Got my best suit and my tie
Shiny silver dollar on either eye
I hear the chauffeur comin' to my door
He Says there's room for maybe just one more . . .

Go read a beautiful thought.

Being away for a long time is something everyone should do at some point, or at least have done to them. There's nothing like being rotated back, and that moment, after a year overseas, when you put your arms around your baby, your mama, or your brother. I think the only bad part is how much longer it is for you than it is for the people back home. I remember when I came back to the States after being out of the country for two years, and so many people said, 'what? I didn't realize you were out of the country!' And I was like, fucker! I just been to every goddamn corner of the world, wanting every minute to get back home in case something happened without me, and you fuckers didn't notice I was gone?! Fucker!

Well, anyway, Sandy writes it better.

I mean, how hard would it've been to do the following?

1. Press Print-Screen (BMP Saved to desktop)

Nowadays, it's the following:

1. Press Print-Screen
2. Open graphics program (Photoshop, etc)
3. Make "New Document"
4. Paste clipboard contents (the 'Print-Screen')
5. Save as...
6. Choose filename
7. Save

Of course, I've left out a couple of steps, such as, 'Figure out what the hell to do with a .BMP file'. Why does Windows default to BMP's? Does Windows use DisplayBMP(tm)? I know that if you make screenshots in KDE, with KSnapShot (an excellent application, BTW), you get PNG's on your desktop. In OS X, you get PDF's, which is understandable considering PDF is the native Mac graphic format.

In all fairness, I think you can press Alt-Print-Screen and it copies just the active window, but I gave up trying to memorize the difference between the two years ago. I mean, there's a key that says 'PrintScreen' right there on the keyboard, and it doesn't work, actually.

I usually avoid Instapundit, due to envy and a general sense of inadequacy. But this is awfully hard to resist.

I like Condi, even though I know next to nothing about her that I haven't read in New York Post. But still, I think a losing Rice candicacy in 2008 will be the one thing to finally put a nail in the coffin of the American Democratic party, and free up the left side of the aisle for a viable liberal party. There's no way the powers-that-be on the right or the left will let a black woman get elected to the Presidency, no matter how qualified she is.

The powers-that-be on both sides are going to have to expose themselves for what they are, and give up their positions to the ideologies that drive the parties. The Democrats will die by the light of day, and the Republicans will take a hit. But what's left over will be a truly conservative party for people of that persuasion, and the solution to the paradox of the left: namely, the guilt-based crypto-socialist nexus that they aspire to today will be replaced by the more libertarian version of an unregulated, merit-based identity hierarchy where the government plays no role.

It's win-win, Condi, at least for everybody but you. Take one for the team. Whatever Dimmer gets elected in 2008 will have a Republican VP, and will probably both be impeached before the end of 2009.

Wheee! The Powerbook's back!

For those who don't understand OS X, here's the deal: Picture Linux, but with plugins, Photoshop, drivers, the functionality of OS/2 (except with applications to take advantage of it), Microsoft Office (so you can communicate with the cretins who still don't understand that 99.9999% of modern communication should be formatted in plain-text, or, if you need italics to communicate effectively, XHTML). On top of that, there're binary distributions of joe, ncftp, and just about anything else that lets you get shit done.

Ahhh. It's good to be home again. After 3 days of Windows, I feel like somebody just invented the computer. Now, I simply must download some porno, if you'll excuse me...

UPDATE: Oh, yeah, not to mention effective OpenGL window rendering. Hooo-wee! Wonder what the poor people are doin'?

UPDATE II: DisplayPDF, anyone?

Fly my pretties, fly!

Now if I can only get my Powerbook back, I'll be able to continue my role as a smug, obnoxious Mac fanboy. Maybe I should boot back into slackware in meantime. At least there be bash there.

There's something about being an admin that makes people crazier than shithouse rats. Case in point, wherein Sam goes all Letterman on a bitchy PC.

There's nothing like frothy-mouthed violence upon inanimate objects to still the raging blood of a pissed-off computer guy. Too often, we have to smile and keep up appearances for our customers, lest we lose the illusion of being in control of a situation.

The best revenge I ever got to exact on a computer? At my old company, we had a Novell server that kept losing data. Eventually, we tracked it down to its Micropolis drives, which seemed to just be spinning bits off into space, despite being mirrored and duplexed. We called Micropolis, and they denied it could be the drives up until the warranty ran out, then they sent a recall notice for drives that were still under warranty.

So, my boss and I took the drives out, stacked them up a back room, and spent about 2 hours shooting them with a crossbow. A real crossbow, using 8-inch stainless steel bolts.

Micropolis + Crossbow == AWESOME!!!1

I don't want to say it's snowing like hell outside, but this morning, after hacking Scatman Crothers to death, I limped all the way to work with an axe yelling "Danny boy!" in a high, gurgling scream.

The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.

Author Hunter S. Thompson Kills Himself

Thompson was an insane dickhead, but goddamn I loved his writing. Although I disagree with every single moral principle he put down in in books like "Fear in Loathing in Las Vegas" and "Generation of Swine", he did it all with a style and humor that kept me in bloody stitches.

He was a huge influence on me when I was younger, wanting to be a writer, trying to find my own growling inner voice to tell the stories in my head.

Rest in peace, Hunter.

The world, without the moral guidance that only a Pope can bring, refused stubbornly once again this afternoon to spin out of its orbit and into a black hole of anal sex-play and contraception. The will of the West seems to be made of sturdier stuff.

At any rate, it's time to play plant the Pope. I wonder if the Catholics will go nuts and knock him out of his coffin and tear off parts of his body to keep as relics. Nah, only a bunch of complete nutjobs would pull that kind of stunt.

Well, just got through with the really tough work, and now it's time for a cookout! Y'all have a nice weekend, and don't forget Saturday Night at Manuel's Tavern!

Wow, now this is what I flew all the way over here for. It's 80 degrees outside, sunny, and I'm sitting in a café in East Atlanta, drinking coffee and enjoying wireless, surrounded by big, comfy chairs and non-judgemental people of mixed races who are also tapping away on laptops, although generally of the *ahem* Windows variety. Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you, just saying.

Of course, the whole café is non-smoking, but I'll look past that. I'm not sure I can get any work done in such a clean-air environment, but I'll give it a shot. Or go play frisbee, one or the other.

UPDATE:

Ouch. Sorry baby, but as they say: better her than me.

Debauchery for a Good Cause.

On Saturday, March 26th, there will be a benefit for Frank of Virginia-Highlands at Manuel's Tavern on North Avenue. Frank collapsed four months ago at work, and has been in the hospital ever since. He has fought his way back to possible recovery, even after doctors pronounced his case hopeless months ago. He's back from the brink of death, but will probably be in the hospital until at least early next year.

So, there will be a trivia contest, lots o' drinking, and lots of interesting people to meet, including me, Rube. All the proceeds are going to Frank's hospital bills.

Check back here for the exact time, and updates.

Frank's not doing too good. The time for Saturday is 7:00 PM, and y'all are all welcome to come by for free food and drink, as long as you pay the $25 for admission. Now come on out and get yo trivia on. Says Leigh. And she should know.

Howdy, Folks! (Hey, Sweetie!)

Been a couple a days. How y'all doin'? I landed in Atlanta on Monday afternoon, and have spent a little time settling in. It's a lot better than I thought it would be. There are W '04 bumper stickers everywhere, for example, and a nice low buzz of fear instilled by Bushitler and his jack-booted thugs at CNN and the Atlanta Journal-Consitution. That Rove is a genius; his tendrils are everywhere, and Project AmeriKKKa is coming along nicely.

Spent a little time with the cat, restrained myself from whipping my mom's new poodle with an electrical cord, and celebrated my grandmother's 74th birthday last night in the one bad mexican restaurant in north georgia, the one without any vegetarian dishes. And when did mexicans come up with a "brisket burrito" anyway, what the hell?

At any rate, I'm tooling around Atlanta now, in case any you North Georgia boys want to get together and warm up a little for the Wreckyll. Yacht Club, anyone?

Yabu's actin' all high-brow on us, telling us we're watching too much television, and that we should read books. Well, I say 'fuck that'. If I wanted to read a book, I'd join the boy scouts again or something similar, where you'd be expected to read books and stuff, weak metaphors notwithstanding.

I can think of several movies that were better than their book counterparts:

"The Shawshank Redemption", for example. The book (short story actually) was great, but the film was even better.

"Stand By Me" was based on a story in the same book, and it was also a damn fine movie, which I found better than the written version.

"One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" is also a possibility. Both the book and movie pretty freaking good.

"Bladerunner" walks all over the short story it was based on, "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sleep", as does "Star Wars", which was a book Lucas wrote a couple of years before the movie came out.

"Re-animator" is better than the H.P. Lovecraft story it was based on, although that's not really fair, considering the story was only about 3 pages long.

"Bram Stoker's Dracula", corny as it is, is less corny than the book. The book is absolutely horrible.

Frankenstein, however, is a great book, even better than the fine film version starring Robert de Niro, IMHO.

"The Ten Commandments" is better than the Bible, if only because it's shorter and got better editing.

There.

I almost never trust my gut. He's almost always wrong, for example when he's telling me I'll puke if I drink one more whiskey. Pfffft. I haven't puked due to alcohol or illness in over 10 years, I'll tell you when I'm a-done drinking, you bastard little gut. You mind your own business, like processing large amounts of fiber and vegetable material into nigh-unpassable log-jams that are shameful yet exhilarating for the right people. For my kind of people.

At any rate, in reference to what Sam's got up at the moment, I'll agree with little mister pay-your-bill-and-let's-get-some-sleep gut. That chick killed her own driver after the motor block got shot out and the car ground to a halt. Maybe even before. There's no way that an Italian Secret Service agent is going to try and run an American roadblock, period, especially not to protect a communist reporter, which is worse than counter-productive: It would be the quickest way to get her killed that you could think of. Secret Service agents, even Italian ones, are many things, but they're not stupid. That's a high-skills job.

We all know it; she should just admit. Bitch killed her own bodyguard, mark my words.

My girlfriend is in the shower right now, preparing for her big night. She's old enough now, so I figured it's time for her introduction to the beautiiful, sensual world of Southwestern Corn Bread. When she comes back to the kitchen, I'll have it waiting for her, hot and ready. She's Bavarian, and therefore had a conservative upbringing, where the subject of Southwestern Corn Bread was often treated as taboo, or dirty, something to be done with shame or loathing, and only when absolutely necessary.

This is where I feel our different backgrounds complement one another. Where I come from, Southwestern Corn Bread, when shared among two people who love each other, is a beautiful, noble thing. Perhaps the best of things. It is something to be celebrated; it is something that binds two people closer together.

I'll be gentle, and take the burden of the Southwestern Corn Bread upon myself. I repeat, I shall be gentle. Perhaps when I'm back in Germany, we can invite her sister over for some hot 2-on-1 Southwestern Corn Bread action.

UPDATE: That may very well have been the best damn piece of Southwestern Cornbread I've ever had. Just...damn!

but I was bored, and figured a little self-meme-abuse was in order. So, let's see, what's the nearest book. Ah, "Vor Drehbeginn. Effektive Planung von Film- und Fernsehproduktionen." (Peter Dress)

Page 123:

Bei Pfändung und Beschlagnahme auf den Auszahlungsanspruch, ruht dieser und tritt erst wieder in Kraft, wenn die Pfändung und Beschlagnahme aufgehoben ist. Der Produzent tritt bereits jetzt alle Rechte und Ansprüche aus sämtlichen abgeschlossenen und noch abzuschließenden Verwertungsverträgen, in dem in 4 Ziffer 2-genannten Umfang hiermit an die Bank ab. Die Bank nimmt hiermit die Abtretung an.

You dig that? Die Bank nimmt hiermit die Abtretung an, dude. Words of wisdom, my friend. Words of wisdom.

So so, the open source community is abuzz that the Mozilla Foundation is considering dumping the Mozilla Suite in favor of Firefox. I thought that was the plan all along, but I guess I was mistaken.

I like using the Mozilla Suite for several reasons. I'm the kind of person that takes notes with the HTML composer, because it generates cross-platform, linkable, formattable documents, and plus the little button's always been down there in the lower left-hand corner. The mail client is better than Thunderbird, and has worked well with IMAP servers since at least Netscape 4. The chat client always struck me as a waste of 8x16 pixels. The sidebars are cool.

That being said, I've not used it for months on Windows, and only sparingly on Mac or Linux. On Windows, Firefox is the go-to guy, because I rarely surf on Windows anyway and I'll be damned if I'll fire up that spyware-injector from Microsoft. On Mac and Linux, however, KHTML has got me convinced.

C'mon, KDE geeks, and get Konqueror and KMail ported over to Windows!

Dear fellow residents of Germany: If somebody's raping you on a daily basis, are you sure you want to start paying for their Viagra? Jungs, don't load the mugger's gun for him, 'k?

via Augie

Why is it that under Linux, in this year of our Lord 2005, Firefox still hangs when XMMS is running? Why is it that all my CUPS print queues are named lp-something, with the comment 'configured by redhat-printer-config-0.6.x', when I'm not running Red Hat, but Fedora Core 3? Why is there still no way to reconfigure X11 without restarting it? Why is all this a problem, when Linux is supposedly the most advanced operating system evar?

Well, because Linux isn't really the problem. Linux is a kernel. It works pretty well, all things considered. Firefox isn't the problem either, nor is XMMS. Firefox hangs because XMMS has the sound card open, and some browser plugins really don't like that. Apparently they don't teach people to thread around blocking calls in programming class any more. The problem is integration, and it exists in Linux because people are so busy tossing out cookie-cutter distributions that nobody thinks about actually making sure their shit is usable.

The open source community has given anyone looking to build their own desktop a huge head start. There are building blocks for every aspect of system functionality, but there still isn't anyone who's tied them together into a free desktop without making a huge mess of things. Consider the following open source software projects:

• CUPS
• Samba
• Apache
• X.org

•
These are system-level services that are useful on any desktop. One interesting tidbit about these packages is that they are simultaneously available on the world's most usable operating system, Mac OS X, and the world's least usable operating system not written in Brainfuck, Linux. The difference between the two is only in management complexity. OS X has a preference pane which controls basic configuration options for Samba, CUPS, and Apache. With Linux distributions, virtually no work was put into making sure these programs are either easily and consistently configurable or even installed with sensible defaults. They just took the things, made RPMs out of them, and tossed the steaming pile out the door. Otherwise, there's no difference between the platforms' implementations of these software packages.

Well, there is one thing: X11. X11 on Linux is a dinosaur, and is the single biggest impediment to a good free desktop. There's been some progress made after the implosion of XFree86, but the initial spurt of activity seems to be over, and we're still editing XF86Config and restarting eighty times just to get the fucking mouse-wheel to work. Except now it's called xorg.conf, but don't let the name fool you, it sucks just as bad. X11 on the Mac, on the other hand, just works, as we've come to expect. It's not made by X.org, and is not a fork of XFree86 as far as I know.

For a while, I was convinced that Linux's problem was the sheer complexity of the installations out there today. I've got a Fedora Core 3 server in the office with 799 RPMs installed. A server shouldn't need that many, in my opinion. I mean, really, what do I need X11 and gnome-print for if neither X nor Gnome are on the server? It's irrelevant, really. The problem isn't the complexity of the distributions, at least not directly. It may seem like an insurmountable job for the distribution's builder's just to make sure everything works without crashing, let alone actually trying to get any of the own software written that may make something useful out of the 4-gig 'basic' installation.

So maybe, just maybe, they should just start with a base package of the kernel, and nothing else. Tack on an FTP client. Make sure it works correctly, test it a bit. Ok, now let's take a look at those building blocks.

CUPS

I'll admit, I was taken in at first by this article on CUPS' usability problems. CUPS does fail to provide a sensible printing environment for users who just want to print, which would mean most of us. Then I thought about the fact that OS X uses CUPS without the problems this fellow had. In fact, the CUPS problems I've had using OS X only showed up when I was using a Linux machine as a server. Under Linux, I still have absolutely no idea which driver I should use for my HP Deskjet 930c. There are about 50 different drivers called 'New Deskjet 900-series' in the configuration pages, and some foomatic things, and then there's some gimp-print drivers that almost sound like what I need, and all the ones I've tried out to this point provide truly shitty output when printing from a CUPS client, be it OS X or Linux.

Connected to the Mac, it just works, and OS X filters the printer drivers in some way, so that the correct printer driver is easy to find and provides good-looking output. So, the CUPS system itself is not the problem. It needs a management UI, which should be provided with the distribution, and it needs to be installed with sensible defaults. It's my LAN, I want to print to that shared printer, OK?

Samba

I'm comfortable configuring samba from the smb.conf file, but aside from changing the server string and the workgroup, there's nothing to see here, move along. Build a start-stop applet, and put it where I can find it.

Apache

We're trying to build a networked desktop here, so let's just make another start-stop button for this thing. Some sensible defaults, like user-directories enabled, run on port 80, and show directory listings, don't follow symlinks, you get the picture. Ok, we're moving now!

X.org

This is really hopeless. There are no sensible defaults, because of the wide range of graphics hardware and input hardware out there. This is the most basic piece of a GUI-based system, and it's the weakest point of integration in any Linux distribution I've ever installed.

I've never seen a customized or enhanced version of X11 in a Linux distribution. Have you? There are no effects or enhancements that don't come first through the CVS at X.org, which is a rocky, bare, and lethargic place just like its predecessor at XFree86. I'm not sure how well anyone can create management tools for X.org, but maybe somebody out there will one day make a xorg.conf-editor that actually works half as well as the display properties dialog in Windows XP.

Once we've got these 3 elements & 1 albatross working stably, Linux will actually be ready to move into the user applications level of integration. That part should be easy.

My girlfriend had to get up early this morning and go to the doctor. Some sort of girl thing, I believe, and I've left the details as sketchy as possible in my little pea brain. Right before she left, she bent over to give me a little peck on the forehead, and my first experience of the morning was a face-full of beautiful, shining cleavage. Every day should start that way.

After she came back from the doctor, we ate breakfast. I didn't have much of an appetite, so I pardoned myself early and got ready for work. When I came back into the kitchen, she was sitting in the corner of the kitchen, playing footsie with herself. I'm still not exactly sure what that was about, but it was strangely exciting.

On the way to work, I walked past a clothing store, and there was an attractive young asian woman fondling a naked female mannequin. She was just staring into space, running her hands slowly up and down the hips of this well-proportioned, though headless and armless torso. She noticed me licking the glass and giggled nervously. She probably realized she had been added to that twisted playlist that runs on repeat in the dollar-a-minute peep-show booth that my brain has become.

Acidman's writing about bats. I used to be afraid of spiders, but I was never afraid of bats. Bats were always kind of exotic and cool, even though they were everywhere when I was a kid. Spiders, on the other hand, were just flat-out scary. I despised those hateful little bastards. It probably dated back to the time when we were swimming at my grandpa's pool, and my dad got out of the water and put on his tanktop, only to discover that a black widow had moved in and staked out a claim. Despite being a big tough man who had survived marriage, spoiled children, and repeated attempts by the Viet Cong to shorten his life, his reaction could only be described as "losing one's shit." Not that I blame him. He handled it a lot better than I would've. At least he didn't scream, "for the love of God, take the children!" as I undoubtedly would've.

Despite being somewhat tough in other respects, I suffered for years with arachnophobia. Even little wolf-spiders would set my blood a-curdling. I never got over the fear until I met this little beauty: the Gold Weaver Spider, of the Australian Persuasion(I've got a great photo of this bastard. I'll post it as soon as I can find it). The Gold Weaver is about as big as a dinner plate, and likes to build her web across bike paths and swimming pools. She's the biggest land spider in the world, and I actually touched one. That was right before I wet my pants, screamed like a girl, and finally got over my arachnophobia. Pretty much in that order.

As for bats, Australia doesn't really have bats, as far as I can tell. They've got flying foxes. Picture a bat with red hair and a 7-foot wingspan, and you've got a flying fox. If you're scared of anything in the animal kingdom, just go to Oz, and you'll see enough of them on a day-to-day basis to get over it.

It's cold outside and snowin' like a bastid. I could really use a warm, sunny patch of grass and a cooler full of Budweiser right about now.

1. Who the hell do you think you are?

I am the all-being, master of space, time and dimension. And I live in Europe.


2. So, other than blogging, what's your job? Do you work at some fast food joint, dumbass?

I am a self-employed designer, programmer, writer, and network administrator. Fast food joints pay better.

3. Do you have like any experience in journalism, idiot?

I am, hilariously enough, a book critic for a local magazine. That cracks me up.

4. Do you even read newspapers?

In Europe, you don't 'read' newspapers. You turn to page three and look at tits, the way God intended.

5. Do you watch any other news than FOX News propaganda, you ignorant fool?

I don't get Fox. In fact, I don't have a television. I used to have a television in my old apartment, but there were never more than three channels that came in, and they were always showing cheese documentaries.

6. I bet you're some moron talk radio listener too, huh?

I have no car, and thus no radio. I listen to 80s trash on my iPod sometimes, though.

7. So, do you get a fax from the GOP each day for what to say, you @#$% Republican parrot?

No, I get my marching orders per email.

8. Why do you and your blogger friends want to silence and fire everyone who disagrees with you, fascist?

Because they disagree with us, and it's unpleasant when people agree with us. Get me?

9. Are you completely ignorant of other countries, or do you actually own a passport?

See 1.

10. Have you even been to another country, you dumb hick?

See 1. I went to Belgium once, too. I think that's in Europe, too, but they talk all funny.

11. If you're so keen on the war, why haven't you signed up, chickenhawk?

Because I am what the kids today would call a 'pussy'.

12. Do you have any idea of the horrors of war? Have you ever reached into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face?

No, but this one time I dropped acid, and I reached into a pile of silvery, morphing goo that used to be my best friend's copy of "Watchmen" (Dave Gibbons, Alan Moore). Very unnerving.

13. Have you ever reached into any pile of goo?

Yes. While making veggie burgers, you'll spend about 15-30 minutes with your hands in a big pile of lentils, mashing them into a sort of yellow-brown paste that smells like the breath of Satan with curry-powder for effect. Then, you stuff the lentils into a plastic bag and lay them on the patient's chest to avoid contamination, and calmly administer morphine while waiting for a medic.

14. Once again, who the hell do you think you are?!"

I...I don't remember. I used to be taller and better-looking. And funny. Now, I'm going bald on my left leg and can't think of anything to say.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to get down to the immigration office and get my residence application turned down.


Via Ravnwood

Woof! Woof!

Well, hey Lassie! What's the trouble?

WOOF!

What's that you say?! Rube's trapped under a Dell Inspiron 5100?! We've got to help him! I'll get Paw!

A customer just brought this abomination of a clunker to me for fixin'. I've become such a smug Mac fanboy that I almost refused. This thing is a Cadillac among computers: Weighs about 11 lbs., creaks and squeaks when you type on it, and most of the little rubber feet have fallen off the bottom. The visual design is tasteless and obvious, made with cheap materials, something like a Trabbi with metallic-blue plastic wheels (which actually complements XP quite nicely). The track pad is squirrelly, and clicks and drags and jumps and springs like a dusted-up ferret.

Speaking of which, it also required a repair-install of Windows XP, which just served to sweeten the mixture. You'll never see such a dismal, patronizing display of wrong-headed tips, hints, and Are-You-Sure? stubbornness as the re-loading of a Microsoft operating system. It looks like a Warhol painting reproduced by a color-blind retard. Well, another color-blind retard. Everything is painted in primary colors, with enormous window controls and constant beeps, bloops, and blips that only distract you while trying to crack the activation scheme. And was somebody really so impressed by that over-saturated meadow photo that they decided to make it the default desktop background in perpetuity?

I've never understood how Dell can constantly be rated tops in support. This machine has a well-known problem, judging by the comments at ZDNet or just about anywhere else you check: The heat-sink isn't protected from dust in any way, and so the desktop-version 2.8GHz P4 that's sitting on the motherboard just overheats and shuts off the computer every 5 minutes. The customer spent the last 5 days talking to Dell support about this, and the first solution was always to re-install the operating system. That's always Dell's solution, it seems. Apparently, they've moved that troubleshooting tip up to the call center, instead of back at the repair shop where it belongs.

All you need to do to 'fix' this problem, is blow really hard into the fan vent on the backside of the computer. It may not be a real fix, in addition to looking rather silly, but it works. Then, to get around the poor design decision of putting the fan on the underside of the computer, where something as simple as missing rubber feet will cut off all air flow to the processor, you just slide a slim cd jewel case underneath the front edge of the computer. Asuming it isn't crushed by the sheer weight of the computer, it should give just enough room underneath for air to get in.

The next problem was that, after all the damage done by the Dell support guys, including the wholesale deletion of the C:\Windows directory, none of Dell's hardware worked correctly. USB ports? Forget it. Dell's answer: Re-install. My answer: 1 minute with Google to find the solution (thanks, Mr. Greene, nice work). It was this way with almost all problems the laptop had, and it's a story I will repeat inexhaustibly the next time I'm explaining to them why a $2000 P4 laptop is a worse choice than a $2500 Powerbook. Looks great on paper, but brother, the shit just...don't...work. It's made to the lowest standards, and the tech support solutions you receive are actually worse than the problem. I don't blame them: I wouldn't want to support XP either. But that was their decision. They should start developing to SkyOS.

I've never like Dell. I've always found their combination of stodgy, Warsaw Pact case design coupled with pimp-of-the-minute detail work disastrous. They can't give effective support for their products, and often border on destructive 'troubleshooting' tips that are obvious time-buying ploys to get the customer off the phone. I've had my differences with Apple tech support, but not once did the first support-o-droid on the phone tell me to reformat my hard drive to fix an overheating problem. Over-priced junk, the whole line.

I just made square biscuits. That's how lazy I am.

who doesn't care if I'm a one-way mirror?
who's not frightened by my cold exterior?
who doesn't ask me questions?
who doesn''t want to scold me?
who doesn't look for answers?
who just wants to hold me?

(hint: Isn't this a dream come true? Isn't this a nightmare, too?)

It will slip through your fingers like sand, the energy of your youth. At some point, in your dotage, you'll hear a song that will remind you of a girl you knew, maybe when your were seventeen, or maybe thirty. You may push it out of your mind for a while; a few decades, and years, and lifetimes, but there it is, waiting for you, in a little-visited dusty corner of your mind, where the cobwebs gather like ghosts. There was once a child in you, in all of us, who struggled against the world, and the limits it set for him, arbitrarily. This child had dreams, and plans for the future, and limitless possibilities. It's easy to hate this child, with his bright future and idealistic sensibilities. The reflex of old age is to hate such children, to despise their ignorance. But I've got a special relationship with the eager beaver behind me. I listen to him, and think about what he wants. There were dreams, and longing, and heartbreaking hopes between fast friends, all but forgotten now, lost in the din of the small worries that mar an adult life.

The only thing that stood in my way then is gone now. I'd do well to remember that.

Not after tonight, at any rate.

Barbecue, anybody?

Welcome to the pleasure dome, Howie. Lawrence, Kansas, the heart of conservative America, not to mention far-right gunslinging drug-addled nutcase William S. Burroughs, lordy, where are they when you need them, those big-iron boys.

danny say:

It's a dead man's party
Who could ask for more
Everybody's comin', leave your body at the door
Leave your body and soul at the door . . .

Got my best suit and my tie
Shiny silver dollar on either eye
I hear the chauffeur comin' to my door
He Says there's room for maybe just one more . . .

Go read a beautiful thought.

Being away for a long time is something everyone should do at some point, or at least have done to them. There's nothing like being rotated back, and that moment, after a year overseas, when you put your arms around your baby, your mama, or your brother. I think the only bad part is how much longer it is for you than it is for the people back home. I remember when I came back to the States after being out of the country for two years, and so many people said, 'what? I didn't realize you were out of the country!' And I was like, fucker! I just been to every goddamn corner of the world, wanting every minute to get back home in case something happened without me, and you fuckers didn't notice I was gone?! Fucker!

Well, anyway, Sandy writes it better.

I mean, how hard would it've been to do the following?

1. Press Print-Screen (BMP Saved to desktop)

Nowadays, it's the following:

1. Press Print-Screen
2. Open graphics program (Photoshop, etc)
3. Make "New Document"
4. Paste clipboard contents (the 'Print-Screen')
5. Save as...
6. Choose filename
7. Save

Of course, I've left out a couple of steps, such as, 'Figure out what the hell to do with a .BMP file'. Why does Windows default to BMP's? Does Windows use DisplayBMP(tm)? I know that if you make screenshots in KDE, with KSnapShot (an excellent application, BTW), you get PNG's on your desktop. In OS X, you get PDF's, which is understandable considering PDF is the native Mac graphic format.

In all fairness, I think you can press Alt-Print-Screen and it copies just the active window, but I gave up trying to memorize the difference between the two years ago. I mean, there's a key that says 'PrintScreen' right there on the keyboard, and it doesn't work, actually.

I usually avoid Instapundit, due to envy and a general sense of inadequacy. But this is awfully hard to resist.

I like Condi, even though I know next to nothing about her that I haven't read in New York Post. But still, I think a losing Rice candicacy in 2008 will be the one thing to finally put a nail in the coffin of the American Democratic party, and free up the left side of the aisle for a viable liberal party. There's no way the powers-that-be on the right or the left will let a black woman get elected to the Presidency, no matter how qualified she is.

The powers-that-be on both sides are going to have to expose themselves for what they are, and give up their positions to the ideologies that drive the parties. The Democrats will die by the light of day, and the Republicans will take a hit. But what's left over will be a truly conservative party for people of that persuasion, and the solution to the paradox of the left: namely, the guilt-based crypto-socialist nexus that they aspire to today will be replaced by the more libertarian version of an unregulated, merit-based identity hierarchy where the government plays no role.

It's win-win, Condi, at least for everybody but you. Take one for the team. Whatever Dimmer gets elected in 2008 will have a Republican VP, and will probably both be impeached before the end of 2009.

Wheee! The Powerbook's back!

For those who don't understand OS X, here's the deal: Picture Linux, but with plugins, Photoshop, drivers, the functionality of OS/2 (except with applications to take advantage of it), Microsoft Office (so you can communicate with the cretins who still don't understand that 99.9999% of modern communication should be formatted in plain-text, or, if you need italics to communicate effectively, XHTML). On top of that, there're binary distributions of joe, ncftp, and just about anything else that lets you get shit done.

Ahhh. It's good to be home again. After 3 days of Windows, I feel like somebody just invented the computer. Now, I simply must download some porno, if you'll excuse me...

UPDATE: Oh, yeah, not to mention effective OpenGL window rendering. Hooo-wee! Wonder what the poor people are doin'?

UPDATE II: DisplayPDF, anyone?

Fly my pretties, fly!

Now if I can only get my Powerbook back, I'll be able to continue my role as a smug, obnoxious Mac fanboy. Maybe I should boot back into slackware in meantime. At least there be bash there.

There's something about being an admin that makes people crazier than shithouse rats. Case in point, wherein Sam goes all Letterman on a bitchy PC.

There's nothing like frothy-mouthed violence upon inanimate objects to still the raging blood of a pissed-off computer guy. Too often, we have to smile and keep up appearances for our customers, lest we lose the illusion of being in control of a situation.

The best revenge I ever got to exact on a computer? At my old company, we had a Novell server that kept losing data. Eventually, we tracked it down to its Micropolis drives, which seemed to just be spinning bits off into space, despite being mirrored and duplexed. We called Micropolis, and they denied it could be the drives up until the warranty ran out, then they sent a recall notice for drives that were still under warranty.

So, my boss and I took the drives out, stacked them up a back room, and spent about 2 hours shooting them with a crossbow. A real crossbow, using 8-inch stainless steel bolts.

Micropolis + Crossbow == AWESOME!!!1

I don't want to say it's snowing like hell outside, but this morning, after hacking Scatman Crothers to death, I limped all the way to work with an axe yelling "Danny boy!" in a high, gurgling scream.

The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.

Author Hunter S. Thompson Kills Himself

Thompson was an insane dickhead, but goddamn I loved his writing. Although I disagree with every single moral principle he put down in in books like "Fear in Loathing in Las Vegas" and "Generation of Swine", he did it all with a style and humor that kept me in bloody stitches.

He was a huge influence on me when I was younger, wanting to be a writer, trying to find my own growling inner voice to tell the stories in my head.

Rest in peace, Hunter.

The world, without the moral guidance that only a Pope can bring, refused stubbornly once again this afternoon to spin out of its orbit and into a black hole of anal sex-play and contraception. The will of the West seems to be made of sturdier stuff.

At any rate, it's time to play plant the Pope. I wonder if the Catholics will go nuts and knock him out of his coffin and tear off parts of his body to keep as relics. Nah, only a bunch of complete nutjobs would pull that kind of stunt.

Well, just got through with the really tough work, and now it's time for a cookout! Y'all have a nice weekend, and don't forget Saturday Night at Manuel's Tavern!

Wow, now this is what I flew all the way over here for. It's 80 degrees outside, sunny, and I'm sitting in a café in East Atlanta, drinking coffee and enjoying wireless, surrounded by big, comfy chairs and non-judgemental people of mixed races who are also tapping away on laptops, although generally of the *ahem* Windows variety. Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you, just saying.

Of course, the whole café is non-smoking, but I'll look past that. I'm not sure I can get any work done in such a clean-air environment, but I'll give it a shot. Or go play frisbee, one or the other.

UPDATE:

Ouch. Sorry baby, but as they say: better her than me.

Debauchery for a Good Cause.

On Saturday, March 26th, there will be a benefit for Frank of Virginia-Highlands at Manuel's Tavern on North Avenue. Frank collapsed four months ago at work, and has been in the hospital ever since. He has fought his way back to possible recovery, even after doctors pronounced his case hopeless months ago. He's back from the brink of death, but will probably be in the hospital until at least early next year.

So, there will be a trivia contest, lots o' drinking, and lots of interesting people to meet, including me, Rube. All the proceeds are going to Frank's hospital bills.

Check back here for the exact time, and updates.

Frank's not doing too good. The time for Saturday is 7:00 PM, and y'all are all welcome to come by for free food and drink, as long as you pay the $25 for admission. Now come on out and get yo trivia on. Says Leigh. And she should know.

Howdy, Folks! (Hey, Sweetie!)

Been a couple a days. How y'all doin'? I landed in Atlanta on Monday afternoon, and have spent a little time settling in. It's a lot better than I thought it would be. There are W '04 bumper stickers everywhere, for example, and a nice low buzz of fear instilled by Bushitler and his jack-booted thugs at CNN and the Atlanta Journal-Consitution. That Rove is a genius; his tendrils are everywhere, and Project AmeriKKKa is coming along nicely.

Spent a little time with the cat, restrained myself from whipping my mom's new poodle with an electrical cord, and celebrated my grandmother's 74th birthday last night in the one bad mexican restaurant in north georgia, the one without any vegetarian dishes. And when did mexicans come up with a "brisket burrito" anyway, what the hell?

At any rate, I'm tooling around Atlanta now, in case any you North Georgia boys want to get together and warm up a little for the Wreckyll. Yacht Club, anyone?

Yabu's actin' all high-brow on us, telling us we're watching too much television, and that we should read books. Well, I say 'fuck that'. If I wanted to read a book, I'd join the boy scouts again or something similar, where you'd be expected to read books and stuff, weak metaphors notwithstanding.

I can think of several movies that were better than their book counterparts:

"The Shawshank Redemption", for example. The book (short story actually) was great, but the film was even better.

"Stand By Me" was based on a story in the same book, and it was also a damn fine movie, which I found better than the written version.

"One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" is also a possibility. Both the book and movie pretty freaking good.

"Bladerunner" walks all over the short story it was based on, "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sleep", as does "Star Wars", which was a book Lucas wrote a couple of years before the movie came out.

"Re-animator" is better than the H.P. Lovecraft story it was based on, although that's not really fair, considering the story was only about 3 pages long.

"Bram Stoker's Dracula", corny as it is, is less corny than the book. The book is absolutely horrible.

Frankenstein, however, is a great book, even better than the fine film version starring Robert de Niro, IMHO.

"The Ten Commandments" is better than the Bible, if only because it's shorter and got better editing.

There.

I almost never trust my gut. He's almost always wrong, for example when he's telling me I'll puke if I drink one more whiskey. Pfffft. I haven't puked due to alcohol or illness in over 10 years, I'll tell you when I'm a-done drinking, you bastard little gut. You mind your own business, like processing large amounts of fiber and vegetable material into nigh-unpassable log-jams that are shameful yet exhilarating for the right people. For my kind of people.

At any rate, in reference to what Sam's got up at the moment, I'll agree with little mister pay-your-bill-and-let's-get-some-sleep gut. That chick killed her own driver after the motor block got shot out and the car ground to a halt. Maybe even before. There's no way that an Italian Secret Service agent is going to try and run an American roadblock, period, especially not to protect a communist reporter, which is worse than counter-productive: It would be the quickest way to get her killed that you could think of. Secret Service agents, even Italian ones, are many things, but they're not stupid. That's a high-skills job.

We all know it; she should just admit. Bitch killed her own bodyguard, mark my words.

My girlfriend is in the shower right now, preparing for her big night. She's old enough now, so I figured it's time for her introduction to the beautiiful, sensual world of Southwestern Corn Bread. When she comes back to the kitchen, I'll have it waiting for her, hot and ready. She's Bavarian, and therefore had a conservative upbringing, where the subject of Southwestern Corn Bread was often treated as taboo, or dirty, something to be done with shame or loathing, and only when absolutely necessary.

This is where I feel our different backgrounds complement one another. Where I come from, Southwestern Corn Bread, when shared among two people who love each other, is a beautiful, noble thing. Perhaps the best of things. It is something to be celebrated; it is something that binds two people closer together.

I'll be gentle, and take the burden of the Southwestern Corn Bread upon myself. I repeat, I shall be gentle. Perhaps when I'm back in Germany, we can invite her sister over for some hot 2-on-1 Southwestern Corn Bread action.

UPDATE: That may very well have been the best damn piece of Southwestern Cornbread I've ever had. Just...damn!

but I was bored, and figured a little self-meme-abuse was in order. So, let's see, what's the nearest book. Ah, "Vor Drehbeginn. Effektive Planung von Film- und Fernsehproduktionen." (Peter Dress)

Page 123:

Bei Pfändung und Beschlagnahme auf den Auszahlungsanspruch, ruht dieser und tritt erst wieder in Kraft, wenn die Pfändung und Beschlagnahme aufgehoben ist. Der Produzent tritt bereits jetzt alle Rechte und Ansprüche aus sämtlichen abgeschlossenen und noch abzuschließenden Verwertungsverträgen, in dem in 4 Ziffer 2-genannten Umfang hiermit an die Bank ab. Die Bank nimmt hiermit die Abtretung an.

You dig that? Die Bank nimmt hiermit die Abtretung an, dude. Words of wisdom, my friend. Words of wisdom.

So so, the open source community is abuzz that the Mozilla Foundation is considering dumping the Mozilla Suite in favor of Firefox. I thought that was the plan all along, but I guess I was mistaken.

I like using the Mozilla Suite for several reasons. I'm the kind of person that takes notes with the HTML composer, because it generates cross-platform, linkable, formattable documents, and plus the little button's always been down there in the lower left-hand corner. The mail client is better than Thunderbird, and has worked well with IMAP servers since at least Netscape 4. The chat client always struck me as a waste of 8x16 pixels. The sidebars are cool.

That being said, I've not used it for months on Windows, and only sparingly on Mac or Linux. On Windows, Firefox is the go-to guy, because I rarely surf on Windows anyway and I'll be damned if I'll fire up that spyware-injector from Microsoft. On Mac and Linux, however, KHTML has got me convinced.

C'mon, KDE geeks, and get Konqueror and KMail ported over to Windows!

Dear fellow residents of Germany: If somebody's raping you on a daily basis, are you sure you want to start paying for their Viagra? Jungs, don't load the mugger's gun for him, 'k?

via Augie

Why is it that under Linux, in this year of our Lord 2005, Firefox still hangs when XMMS is running? Why is it that all my CUPS print queues are named lp-something, with the comment 'configured by redhat-printer-config-0.6.x', when I'm not running Red Hat, but Fedora Core 3? Why is there still no way to reconfigure X11 without restarting it? Why is all this a problem, when Linux is supposedly the most advanced operating system evar?

Well, because Linux isn't really the problem. Linux is a kernel. It works pretty well, all things considered. Firefox isn't the problem either, nor is XMMS. Firefox hangs because XMMS has the sound card open, and some browser plugins really don't like that. Apparently they don't teach people to thread around blocking calls in programming class any more. The problem is integration, and it exists in Linux because people are so busy tossing out cookie-cutter distributions that nobody thinks about actually making sure their shit is usable.

The open source community has given anyone looking to build their own desktop a huge head start. There are building blocks for every aspect of system functionality, but there still isn't anyone who's tied them together into a free desktop without making a huge mess of things. Consider the following open source software projects:

• CUPS
• Samba
• Apache
• X.org

•
These are system-level services that are useful on any desktop. One interesting tidbit about these packages is that they are simultaneously available on the world's most usable operating system, Mac OS X, and the world's least usable operating system not written in Brainfuck, Linux. The difference between the two is only in management complexity. OS X has a preference pane which controls basic configuration options for Samba, CUPS, and Apache. With Linux distributions, virtually no work was put into making sure these programs are either easily and consistently configurable or even installed with sensible defaults. They just took the things, made RPMs out of them, and tossed the steaming pile out the door. Otherwise, there's no difference between the platforms' implementations of these software packages.

Well, there is one thing: X11. X11 on Linux is a dinosaur, and is the single biggest impediment to a good free desktop. There's been some progress made after the implosion of XFree86, but the initial spurt of activity seems to be over, and we're still editing XF86Config and restarting eighty times just to get the fucking mouse-wheel to work. Except now it's called xorg.conf, but don't let the name fool you, it sucks just as bad. X11 on the Mac, on the other hand, just works, as we've come to expect. It's not made by X.org, and is not a fork of XFree86 as far as I know.

For a while, I was convinced that Linux's problem was the sheer complexity of the installations out there today. I've got a Fedora Core 3 server in the office with 799 RPMs installed. A server shouldn't need that many, in my opinion. I mean, really, what do I need X11 and gnome-print for if neither X nor Gnome are on the server? It's irrelevant, really. The problem isn't the complexity of the distributions, at least not directly. It may seem like an insurmountable job for the distribution's builder's just to make sure everything works without crashing, let alone actually trying to get any of the own software written that may make something useful out of the 4-gig 'basic' installation.

So maybe, just maybe, they should just start with a base package of the kernel, and nothing else. Tack on an FTP client. Make sure it works correctly, test it a bit. Ok, now let's take a look at those building blocks.

CUPS

I'll admit, I was taken in at first by this article on CUPS' usability problems. CUPS does fail to provide a sensible printing environment for users who just want to print, which would mean most of us. Then I thought about the fact that OS X uses CUPS without the problems this fellow had. In fact, the CUPS problems I've had using OS X only showed up when I was using a Linux machine as a server. Under Linux, I still have absolutely no idea which driver I should use for my HP Deskjet 930c. There are about 50 different drivers called 'New Deskjet 900-series' in the configuration pages, and some foomatic things, and then there's some gimp-print drivers that almost sound like what I need, and all the ones I've tried out to this point provide truly shitty output when printing from a CUPS client, be it OS X or Linux.

Connected to the Mac, it just works, and OS X filters the printer drivers in some way, so that the correct printer driver is easy to find and provides good-looking output. So, the CUPS system itself is not the problem. It needs a management UI, which should be provided with the distribution, and it needs to be installed with sensible defaults. It's my LAN, I want to print to that shared printer, OK?

Samba

I'm comfortable configuring samba from the smb.conf file, but aside from changing the server string and the workgroup, there's nothing to see here, move along. Build a start-stop applet, and put it where I can find it.

Apache

We're trying to build a networked desktop here, so let's just make another start-stop button for this thing. Some sensible defaults, like user-directories enabled, run on port 80, and show directory listings, don't follow symlinks, you get the picture. Ok, we're moving now!

X.org

This is really hopeless. There are no sensible defaults, because of the wide range of graphics hardware and input hardware out there. This is the most basic piece of a GUI-based system, and it's the weakest point of integration in any Linux distribution I've ever installed.

I've never seen a customized or enhanced version of X11 in a Linux distribution. Have you? There are no effects or enhancements that don't come first through the CVS at X.org, which is a rocky, bare, and lethargic place just like its predecessor at XFree86. I'm not sure how well anyone can create management tools for X.org, but maybe somebody out there will one day make a xorg.conf-editor that actually works half as well as the display properties dialog in Windows XP.

Once we've got these 3 elements & 1 albatross working stably, Linux will actually be ready to move into the user applications level of integration. That part should be easy.

My girlfriend had to get up early this morning and go to the doctor. Some sort of girl thing, I believe, and I've left the details as sketchy as possible in my little pea brain. Right before she left, she bent over to give me a little peck on the forehead, and my first experience of the morning was a face-full of beautiful, shining cleavage. Every day should start that way.

After she came back from the doctor, we ate breakfast. I didn't have much of an appetite, so I pardoned myself early and got ready for work. When I came back into the kitchen, she was sitting in the corner of the kitchen, playing footsie with herself. I'm still not exactly sure what that was about, but it was strangely exciting.

On the way to work, I walked past a clothing store, and there was an attractive young asian woman fondling a naked female mannequin. She was just staring into space, running her hands slowly up and down the hips of this well-proportioned, though headless and armless torso. She noticed me licking the glass and giggled nervously. She probably realized she had been added to that twisted playlist that runs on repeat in the dollar-a-minute peep-show booth that my brain has become.

Acidman's writing about bats. I used to be afraid of spiders, but I was never afraid of bats. Bats were always kind of exotic and cool, even though they were everywhere when I was a kid. Spiders, on the other hand, were just flat-out scary. I despised those hateful little bastards. It probably dated back to the time when we were swimming at my grandpa's pool, and my dad got out of the water and put on his tanktop, only to discover that a black widow had moved in and staked out a claim. Despite being a big tough man who had survived marriage, spoiled children, and repeated attempts by the Viet Cong to shorten his life, his reaction could only be described as "losing one's shit." Not that I blame him. He handled it a lot better than I would've. At least he didn't scream, "for the love of God, take the children!" as I undoubtedly would've.

Despite being somewhat tough in other respects, I suffered for years with arachnophobia. Even little wolf-spiders would set my blood a-curdling. I never got over the fear until I met this little beauty: the Gold Weaver Spider, of the Australian Persuasion(I've got a great photo of this bastard. I'll post it as soon as I can find it). The Gold Weaver is about as big as a dinner plate, and likes to build her web across bike paths and swimming pools. She's the biggest land spider in the world, and I actually touched one. That was right before I wet my pants, screamed like a girl, and finally got over my arachnophobia. Pretty much in that order.

As for bats, Australia doesn't really have bats, as far as I can tell. They've got flying foxes. Picture a bat with red hair and a 7-foot wingspan, and you've got a flying fox. If you're scared of anything in the animal kingdom, just go to Oz, and you'll see enough of them on a day-to-day basis to get over it.

It's cold outside and snowin' like a bastid. I could really use a warm, sunny patch of grass and a cooler full of Budweiser right about now.

1. Who the hell do you think you are?

I am the all-being, master of space, time and dimension. And I live in Europe.


2. So, other than blogging, what's your job? Do you work at some fast food joint, dumbass?

I am a self-employed designer, programmer, writer, and network administrator. Fast food joints pay better.

3. Do you have like any experience in journalism, idiot?

I am, hilariously enough, a book critic for a local magazine. That cracks me up.

4. Do you even read newspapers?

In Europe, you don't 'read' newspapers. You turn to page three and look at tits, the way God intended.

5. Do you watch any other news than FOX News propaganda, you ignorant fool?

I don't get Fox. In fact, I don't have a television. I used to have a television in my old apartment, but there were never more than three channels that came in, and they were always showing cheese documentaries.

6. I bet you're some moron talk radio listener too, huh?

I have no car, and thus no radio. I listen to 80s trash on my iPod sometimes, though.

7. So, do you get a fax from the GOP each day for what to say, you @#$% Republican parrot?

No, I get my marching orders per email.

8. Why do you and your blogger friends want to silence and fire everyone who disagrees with you, fascist?

Because they disagree with us, and it's unpleasant when people agree with us. Get me?

9. Are you completely ignorant of other countries, or do you actually own a passport?

See 1.

10. Have you even been to another country, you dumb hick?

See 1. I went to Belgium once, too. I think that's in Europe, too, but they talk all funny.

11. If you're so keen on the war, why haven't you signed up, chickenhawk?

Because I am what the kids today would call a 'pussy'.

12. Do you have any idea of the horrors of war? Have you ever reached into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face?

No, but this one time I dropped acid, and I reached into a pile of silvery, morphing goo that used to be my best friend's copy of "Watchmen" (Dave Gibbons, Alan Moore). Very unnerving.

13. Have you ever reached into any pile of goo?

Yes. While making veggie burgers, you'll spend about 15-30 minutes with your hands in a big pile of lentils, mashing them into a sort of yellow-brown paste that smells like the breath of Satan with curry-powder for effect. Then, you stuff the lentils into a plastic bag and lay them on the patient's chest to avoid contamination, and calmly administer morphine while waiting for a medic.

14. Once again, who the hell do you think you are?!"

I...I don't remember. I used to be taller and better-looking. And funny. Now, I'm going bald on my left leg and can't think of anything to say.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to get down to the immigration office and get my residence application turned down.


Via Ravnwood

Woof! Woof!

Well, hey Lassie! What's the trouble?

WOOF!

What's that you say?! Rube's trapped under a Dell Inspiron 5100?! We've got to help him! I'll get Paw!

A customer just brought this abomination of a clunker to me for fixin'. I've become such a smug Mac fanboy that I almost refused. This thing is a Cadillac among computers: Weighs about 11 lbs., creaks and squeaks when you type on it, and most of the little rubber feet have fallen off the bottom. The visual design is tasteless and obvious, made with cheap materials, something like a Trabbi with metallic-blue plastic wheels (which actually complements XP quite nicely). The track pad is squirrelly, and clicks and drags and jumps and springs like a dusted-up ferret.

Speaking of which, it also required a repair-install of Windows XP, which just served to sweeten the mixture. You'll never see such a dismal, patronizing display of wrong-headed tips, hints, and Are-You-Sure? stubbornness as the re-loading of a Microsoft operating system. It looks like a Warhol painting reproduced by a color-blind retard. Well, another color-blind retard. Everything is painted in primary colors, with enormous window controls and constant beeps, bloops, and blips that only distract you while trying to crack the activation scheme. And was somebody really so impressed by that over-saturated meadow photo that they decided to make it the default desktop background in perpetuity?

I've never understood how Dell can constantly be rated tops in support. This machine has a well-known problem, judging by the comments at ZDNet or just about anywhere else you check: The heat-sink isn't protected from dust in any way, and so the desktop-version 2.8GHz P4 that's sitting on the motherboard just overheats and shuts off the computer every 5 minutes. The customer spent the last 5 days talking to Dell support about this, and the first solution was always to re-install the operating system. That's always Dell's solution, it seems. Apparently, they've moved that troubleshooting tip up to the call center, instead of back at the repair shop where it belongs.

All you need to do to 'fix' this problem, is blow really hard into the fan vent on the backside of the computer. It may not be a real fix, in addition to looking rather silly, but it works. Then, to get around the poor design decision of putting the fan on the underside of the computer, where something as simple as missing rubber feet will cut off all air flow to the processor, you just slide a slim cd jewel case underneath the front edge of the computer. Asuming it isn't crushed by the sheer weight of the computer, it should give just enough room underneath for air to get in.

The next problem was that, after all the damage done by the Dell support guys, including the wholesale deletion of the C:\Windows directory, none of Dell's hardware worked correctly. USB ports? Forget it. Dell's answer: Re-install. My answer: 1 minute with Google to find the solution (thanks, Mr. Greene, nice work). It was this way with almost all problems the laptop had, and it's a story I will repeat inexhaustibly the next time I'm explaining to them why a $2000 P4 laptop is a worse choice than a $2500 Powerbook. Looks great on paper, but brother, the shit just...don't...work. It's made to the lowest standards, and the tech support solutions you receive are actually worse than the problem. I don't blame them: I wouldn't want to support XP either. But that was their decision. They should start developing to SkyOS.

I've never like Dell. I've always found their combination of stodgy, Warsaw Pact case design coupled with pimp-of-the-minute detail work disastrous. They can't give effective support for their products, and often border on destructive 'troubleshooting' tips that are obvious time-buying ploys to get the customer off the phone. I've had my differences with Apple tech support, but not once did the first support-o-droid on the phone tell me to reformat my hard drive to fix an overheating problem. Over-priced junk, the whole line.

I just made square biscuits. That's how lazy I am.

who doesn't care if I'm a one-way mirror?
who's not frightened by my cold exterior?
who doesn't ask me questions?
who doesn''t want to scold me?
who doesn't look for answers?
who just wants to hold me?

(hint: Isn't this a dream come true? Isn't this a nightmare, too?)

It will slip through your fingers like sand, the energy of your youth. At some point, in your dotage, you'll hear a song that will remind you of a girl you knew, maybe when your were seventeen, or maybe thirty. You may push it out of your mind for a while; a few decades, and years, and lifetimes, but there it is, waiting for you, in a little-visited dusty corner of your mind, where the cobwebs gather like ghosts. There was once a child in you, in all of us, who struggled against the world, and the limits it set for him, arbitrarily. This child had dreams, and plans for the future, and limitless possibilities. It's easy to hate this child, with his bright future and idealistic sensibilities. The reflex of old age is to hate such children, to despise their ignorance. But I've got a special relationship with the eager beaver behind me. I listen to him, and think about what he wants. There were dreams, and longing, and heartbreaking hopes between fast friends, all but forgotten now, lost in the din of the small worries that mar an adult life.

The only thing that stood in my way then is gone now. I'd do well to remember that.

Not after tonight, at any rate.

Barbecue, anybody?

Welcome to the pleasure dome, Howie. Lawrence, Kansas, the heart of conservative America, not to mention far-right gunslinging drug-addled nutcase William S. Burroughs, lordy, where are they when you need them, those big-iron boys.

danny say:

It's a dead man's party
Who could ask for more
Everybody's comin', leave your body at the door
Leave your body and soul at the door . . .

Got my best suit and my tie
Shiny silver dollar on either eye
I hear the chauffeur comin' to my door
He Says there's room for maybe just one more . . .

Go read a beautiful thought.

Being away for a long time is something everyone should do at some point, or at least have done to them. There's nothing like being rotated back, and that moment, after a year overseas, when you put your arms around your baby, your mama, or your brother. I think the only bad part is how much longer it is for you than it is for the people back home. I remember when I came back to the States after being out of the country for two years, and so many people said, 'what? I didn't realize you were out of the country!' And I was like, fucker! I just been to every goddamn corner of the world, wanting every minute to get back home in case something happened without me, and you fuckers didn't notice I was gone?! Fucker!

Well, anyway, Sandy writes it better.

I mean, how hard would it've been to do the following?

1. Press Print-Screen (BMP Saved to desktop)

Nowadays, it's the following:

1. Press Print-Screen
2. Open graphics program (Photoshop, etc)
3. Make "New Document"
4. Paste clipboard contents (the 'Print-Screen')
5. Save as...
6. Choose filename
7. Save

Of course, I've left out a couple of steps, such as, 'Figure out what the hell to do with a .BMP file'. Why does Windows default to BMP's? Does Windows use DisplayBMP(tm)? I know that if you make screenshots in KDE, with KSnapShot (an excellent application, BTW), you get PNG's on your desktop. In OS X, you get PDF's, which is understandable considering PDF is the native Mac graphic format.

In all fairness, I think you can press Alt-Print-Screen and it copies just the active window, but I gave up trying to memorize the difference between the two years ago. I mean, there's a key that says 'PrintScreen' right there on the keyboard, and it doesn't work, actually.

I usually avoid Instapundit, due to envy and a general sense of inadequacy. But this is awfully hard to resist.

I like Condi, even though I know next to nothing about her that I haven't read in New York Post. But still, I think a losing Rice candicacy in 2008 will be the one thing to finally put a nail in the coffin of the American Democratic party, and free up the left side of the aisle for a viable liberal party. There's no way the powers-that-be on the right or the left will let a black woman get elected to the Presidency, no matter how qualified she is.

The powers-that-be on both sides are going to have to expose themselves for what they are, and give up their positions to the ideologies that drive the parties. The Democrats will die by the light of day, and the Republicans will take a hit. But what's left over will be a truly conservative party for people of that persuasion, and the solution to the paradox of the left: namely, the guilt-based crypto-socialist nexus that they aspire to today will be replaced by the more libertarian version of an unregulated, merit-based identity hierarchy where the government plays no role.

It's win-win, Condi, at least for everybody but you. Take one for the team. Whatever Dimmer gets elected in 2008 will have a Republican VP, and will probably both be impeached before the end of 2009.

Wheee! The Powerbook's back!

For those who don't understand OS X, here's the deal: Picture Linux, but with plugins, Photoshop, drivers, the functionality of OS/2 (except with applications to take advantage of it), Microsoft Office (so you can communicate with the cretins who still don't understand that 99.9999% of modern communication should be formatted in plain-text, or, if you need italics to communicate effectively, XHTML). On top of that, there're binary distributions of joe, ncftp, and just about anything else that lets you get shit done.

Ahhh. It's good to be home again. After 3 days of Windows, I feel like somebody just invented the computer. Now, I simply must download some porno, if you'll excuse me...

UPDATE: Oh, yeah, not to mention effective OpenGL window rendering. Hooo-wee! Wonder what the poor people are doin'?

UPDATE II: DisplayPDF, anyone?

Fly my pretties, fly!

Now if I can only get my Powerbook back, I'll be able to continue my role as a smug, obnoxious Mac fanboy. Maybe I should boot back into slackware in meantime. At least there be bash there.

There's something about being an admin that makes people crazier than shithouse rats. Case in point, wherein Sam goes all Letterman on a bitchy PC.

There's nothing like frothy-mouthed violence upon inanimate objects to still the raging blood of a pissed-off computer guy. Too often, we have to smile and keep up appearances for our customers, lest we lose the illusion of being in control of a situation.

The best revenge I ever got to exact on a computer? At my old company, we had a Novell server that kept losing data. Eventually, we tracked it down to its Micropolis drives, which seemed to just be spinning bits off into space, despite being mirrored and duplexed. We called Micropolis, and they denied it could be the drives up until the warranty ran out, then they sent a recall notice for drives that were still under warranty.

So, my boss and I took the drives out, stacked them up a back room, and spent about 2 hours shooting them with a crossbow. A real crossbow, using 8-inch stainless steel bolts.

Micropolis + Crossbow == AWESOME!!!1

I don't want to say it's snowing like hell outside, but this morning, after hacking Scatman Crothers to death, I limped all the way to work with an axe yelling "Danny boy!" in a high, gurgling scream.

The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.

Author Hunter S. Thompson Kills Himself

Thompson was an insane dickhead, but goddamn I loved his writing. Although I disagree with every single moral principle he put down in in books like "Fear in Loathing in Las Vegas" and "Generation of Swine", he did it all with a style and humor that kept me in bloody stitches.

He was a huge influence on me when I was younger, wanting to be a writer, trying to find my own growling inner voice to tell the stories in my head.

Rest in peace, Hunter.

The world, without the moral guidance that only a Pope can bring, refused stubbornly once again this afternoon to spin out of its orbit and into a black hole of anal sex-play and contraception. The will of the West seems to be made of sturdier stuff.

At any rate, it's time to play plant the Pope. I wonder if the Catholics will go nuts and knock him out of his coffin and tear off parts of his body to keep as relics. Nah, only a bunch of complete nutjobs would pull that kind of stunt.

Well, just got through with the really tough work, and now it's time for a cookout! Y'all have a nice weekend, and don't forget Saturday Night at Manuel's Tavern!

Wow, now this is what I flew all the way over here for. It's 80 degrees outside, sunny, and I'm sitting in a café in East Atlanta, drinking coffee and enjoying wireless, surrounded by big, comfy chairs and non-judgemental people of mixed races who are also tapping away on laptops, although generally of the *ahem* Windows variety. Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you, just saying.

Of course, the whole café is non-smoking, but I'll look past that. I'm not sure I can get any work done in such a clean-air environment, but I'll give it a shot. Or go play frisbee, one or the other.

UPDATE:

Ouch. Sorry baby, but as they say: better her than me.

Debauchery for a Good Cause.

On Saturday, March 26th, there will be a benefit for Frank of Virginia-Highlands at Manuel's Tavern on North Avenue. Frank collapsed four months ago at work, and has been in the hospital ever since. He has fought his way back to possible recovery, even after doctors pronounced his case hopeless months ago. He's back from the brink of death, but will probably be in the hospital until at least early next year.

So, there will be a trivia contest, lots o' drinking, and lots of interesting people to meet, including me, Rube. All the proceeds are going to Frank's hospital bills.

Check back here for the exact time, and updates.

Frank's not doing too good. The time for Saturday is 7:00 PM, and y'all are all welcome to come by for free food and drink, as long as you pay the $25 for admission. Now come on out and get yo trivia on. Says Leigh. And she should know.

Howdy, Folks! (Hey, Sweetie!)

Been a couple a days. How y'all doin'? I landed in Atlanta on Monday afternoon, and have spent a little time settling in. It's a lot better than I thought it would be. There are W '04 bumper stickers everywhere, for example, and a nice low buzz of fear instilled by Bushitler and his jack-booted thugs at CNN and the Atlanta Journal-Consitution. That Rove is a genius; his tendrils are everywhere, and Project AmeriKKKa is coming along nicely.

Spent a little time with the cat, restrained myself from whipping my mom's new poodle with an electrical cord, and celebrated my grandmother's 74th birthday last night in the one bad mexican restaurant in north georgia, the one without any vegetarian dishes. And when did mexicans come up with a "brisket burrito" anyway, what the hell?

At any rate, I'm tooling around Atlanta now, in case any you North Georgia boys want to get together and warm up a little for the Wreckyll. Yacht Club, anyone?

Yabu's actin' all high-brow on us, telling us we're watching too much television, and that we should read books. Well, I say 'fuck that'. If I wanted to read a book, I'd join the boy scouts again or something similar, where you'd be expected to read books and stuff, weak metaphors notwithstanding.

I can think of several movies that were better than their book counterparts:

"The Shawshank Redemption", for example. The book (short story actually) was great, but the film was even better.

"Stand By Me" was based on a story in the same book, and it was also a damn fine movie, which I found better than the written version.

"One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" is also a possibility. Both the book and movie pretty freaking good.

"Bladerunner" walks all over the short story it was based on, "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sleep", as does "Star Wars", which was a book Lucas wrote a couple of years before the movie came out.

"Re-animator" is better than the H.P. Lovecraft story it was based on, although that's not really fair, considering the story was only about 3 pages long.

"Bram Stoker's Dracula", corny as it is, is less corny than the book. The book is absolutely horrible.

Frankenstein, however, is a great book, even better than the fine film version starring Robert de Niro, IMHO.

"The Ten Commandments" is better than the Bible, if only because it's shorter and got better editing.

There.

I almost never trust my gut. He's almost always wrong, for example when he's telling me I'll puke if I drink one more whiskey. Pfffft. I haven't puked due to alcohol or illness in over 10 years, I'll tell you when I'm a-done drinking, you bastard little gut. You mind your own business, like processing large amounts of fiber and vegetable material into nigh-unpassable log-jams that are shameful yet exhilarating for the right people. For my kind of people.

At any rate, in reference to what Sam's got up at the moment, I'll agree with little mister pay-your-bill-and-let's-get-some-sleep gut. That chick killed her own driver after the motor block got shot out and the car ground to a halt. Maybe even before. There's no way that an Italian Secret Service agent is going to try and run an American roadblock, period, especially not to protect a communist reporter, which is worse than counter-productive: It would be the quickest way to get her killed that you could think of. Secret Service agents, even Italian ones, are many things, but they're not stupid. That's a high-skills job.

We all know it; she should just admit. Bitch killed her own bodyguard, mark my words.

My girlfriend is in the shower right now, preparing for her big night. She's old enough now, so I figured it's time for her introduction to the beautiiful, sensual world of Southwestern Corn Bread. When she comes back to the kitchen, I'll have it waiting for her, hot and ready. She's Bavarian, and therefore had a conservative upbringing, where the subject of Southwestern Corn Bread was often treated as taboo, or dirty, something to be done with shame or loathing, and only when absolutely necessary.

This is where I feel our different backgrounds complement one another. Where I come from, Southwestern Corn Bread, when shared among two people who love each other, is a beautiful, noble thing. Perhaps the best of things. It is something to be celebrated; it is something that binds two people closer together.

I'll be gentle, and take the burden of the Southwestern Corn Bread upon myself. I repeat, I shall be gentle. Perhaps when I'm back in Germany, we can invite her sister over for some hot 2-on-1 Southwestern Corn Bread action.

UPDATE: That may very well have been the best damn piece of Southwestern Cornbread I've ever had. Just...damn!

but I was bored, and figured a little self-meme-abuse was in order. So, let's see, what's the nearest book. Ah, "Vor Drehbeginn. Effektive Planung von Film- und Fernsehproduktionen." (Peter Dress)

Page 123:

Bei Pfändung und Beschlagnahme auf den Auszahlungsanspruch, ruht dieser und tritt erst wieder in Kraft, wenn die Pfändung und Beschlagnahme aufgehoben ist. Der Produzent tritt bereits jetzt alle Rechte und Ansprüche aus sämtlichen abgeschlossenen und noch abzuschließenden Verwertungsverträgen, in dem in 4 Ziffer 2-genannten Umfang hiermit an die Bank ab. Die Bank nimmt hiermit die Abtretung an.

You dig that? Die Bank nimmt hiermit die Abtretung an, dude. Words of wisdom, my friend. Words of wisdom.

So so, the open source community is abuzz that the Mozilla Foundation is considering dumping the Mozilla Suite in favor of Firefox. I thought that was the plan all along, but I guess I was mistaken.

I like using the Mozilla Suite for several reasons. I'm the kind of person that takes notes with the HTML composer, because it generates cross-platform, linkable, formattable documents, and plus the little button's always been down there in the lower left-hand corner. The mail client is better than Thunderbird, and has worked well with IMAP servers since at least Netscape 4. The chat client always struck me as a waste of 8x16 pixels. The sidebars are cool.

That being said, I've not used it for months on Windows, and only sparingly on Mac or Linux. On Windows, Firefox is the go-to guy, because I rarely surf on Windows anyway and I'll be damned if I'll fire up that spyware-injector from Microsoft. On Mac and Linux, however, KHTML has got me convinced.

C'mon, KDE geeks, and get Konqueror and KMail ported over to Windows!

Dear fellow residents of Germany: If somebody's raping you on a daily basis, are you sure you want to start paying for their Viagra? Jungs, don't load the mugger's gun for him, 'k?

via Augie

Why is it that under Linux, in this year of our Lord 2005, Firefox still hangs when XMMS is running? Why is it that all my CUPS print queues are named lp-something, with the comment 'configured by redhat-printer-config-0.6.x', when I'm not running Red Hat, but Fedora Core 3? Why is there still no way to reconfigure X11 without restarting it? Why is all this a problem, when Linux is supposedly the most advanced operating system evar?

Well, because Linux isn't really the problem. Linux is a kernel. It works pretty well, all things considered. Firefox isn't the problem either, nor is XMMS. Firefox hangs because XMMS has the sound card open, and some browser plugins really don't like that. Apparently they don't teach people to thread around blocking calls in programming class any more. The problem is integration, and it exists in Linux because people are so busy tossing out cookie-cutter distributions that nobody thinks about actually making sure their shit is usable.

The open source community has given anyone looking to build their own desktop a huge head start. There are building blocks for every aspect of system functionality, but there still isn't anyone who's tied them together into a free desktop without making a huge mess of things. Consider the following open source software projects:

• CUPS
• Samba
• Apache
• X.org

•
These are system-level services that are useful on any desktop. One interesting tidbit about these packages is that they are simultaneously available on the world's most usable operating system, Mac OS X, and the world's least usable operating system not written in Brainfuck, Linux. The difference between the two is only in management complexity. OS X has a preference pane which controls basic configuration options for Samba, CUPS, and Apache. With Linux distributions, virtually no work was put into making sure these programs are either easily and consistently configurable or even installed with sensible defaults. They just took the things, made RPMs out of them, and tossed the steaming pile out the door. Otherwise, there's no difference between the platforms' implementations of these software packages.

Well, there is one thing: X11. X11 on Linux is a dinosaur, and is the single biggest impediment to a good free desktop. There's been some progress made after the implosion of XFree86, but the initial spurt of activity seems to be over, and we're still editing XF86Config and restarting eighty times just to get the fucking mouse-wheel to work. Except now it's called xorg.conf, but don't let the name fool you, it sucks just as bad. X11 on the Mac, on the other hand, just works, as we've come to expect. It's not made by X.org, and is not a fork of XFree86 as far as I know.

For a while, I was convinced that Linux's problem was the sheer complexity of the installations out there today. I've got a Fedora Core 3 server in the office with 799 RPMs installed. A server shouldn't need that many, in my opinion. I mean, really, what do I need X11 and gnome-print for if neither X nor Gnome are on the server? It's irrelevant, really. The problem isn't the complexity of the distributions, at least not directly. It may seem like an insurmountable job for the distribution's builder's just to make sure everything works without crashing, let alone actually trying to get any of the own software written that may make something useful out of the 4-gig 'basic' installation.

So maybe, just maybe, they should just start with a base package of the kernel, and nothing else. Tack on an FTP client. Make sure it works correctly, test it a bit. Ok, now let's take a look at those building blocks.

CUPS

I'll admit, I was taken in at first by this article on CUPS' usability problems. CUPS does fail to provide a sensible printing environment for users who just want to print, which would mean most of us. Then I thought about the fact that OS X uses CUPS without the problems this fellow had. In fact, the CUPS problems I've had using OS X only showed up when I was using a Linux machine as a server. Under Linux, I still have absolutely no idea which driver I should use for my HP Deskjet 930c. There are about 50 different drivers called 'New Deskjet 900-series' in the configuration pages, and some foomatic things, and then there's some gimp-print drivers that almost sound like what I need, and all the ones I've tried out to this point provide truly shitty output when printing from a CUPS client, be it OS X or Linux.

Connected to the Mac, it just works, and OS X filters the printer drivers in some way, so that the correct printer driver is easy to find and provides good-looking output. So, the CUPS system itself is not the problem. It needs a management UI, which should be provided with the distribution, and it needs to be installed with sensible defaults. It's my LAN, I want to print to that shared printer, OK?

Samba

I'm comfortable configuring samba from the smb.conf file, but aside from changing the server string and the workgroup, there's nothing to see here, move along. Build a start-stop applet, and put it where I can find it.

Apache

We're trying to build a networked desktop here, so let's just make another start-stop button for this thing. Some sensible defaults, like user-directories enabled, run on port 80, and show directory listings, don't follow symlinks, you get the picture. Ok, we're moving now!

X.org

This is really hopeless. There are no sensible defaults, because of the wide range of graphics hardware and input hardware out there. This is the most basic piece of a GUI-based system, and it's the weakest point of integration in any Linux distribution I've ever installed.

I've never seen a customized or enhanced version of X11 in a Linux distribution. Have you? There are no effects or enhancements that don't come first through the CVS at X.org, which is a rocky, bare, and lethargic place just like its predecessor at XFree86. I'm not sure how well anyone can create management tools for X.org, but maybe somebody out there will one day make a xorg.conf-editor that actually works half as well as the display properties dialog in Windows XP.

Once we've got these 3 elements & 1 albatross working stably, Linux will actually be ready to move into the user applications level of integration. That part should be easy.

My girlfriend had to get up early this morning and go to the doctor. Some sort of girl thing, I believe, and I've left the details as sketchy as possible in my little pea brain. Right before she left, she bent over to give me a little peck on the forehead, and my first experience of the morning was a face-full of beautiful, shining cleavage. Every day should start that way.

After she came back from the doctor, we ate breakfast. I didn't have much of an appetite, so I pardoned myself early and got ready for work. When I came back into the kitchen, she was sitting in the corner of the kitchen, playing footsie with herself. I'm still not exactly sure what that was about, but it was strangely exciting.

On the way to work, I walked past a clothing store, and there was an attractive young asian woman fondling a naked female mannequin. She was just staring into space, running her hands slowly up and down the hips of this well-proportioned, though headless and armless torso. She noticed me licking the glass and giggled nervously. She probably realized she had been added to that twisted playlist that runs on repeat in the dollar-a-minute peep-show booth that my brain has become.

Acidman's writing about bats. I used to be afraid of spiders, but I was never afraid of bats. Bats were always kind of exotic and cool, even though they were everywhere when I was a kid. Spiders, on the other hand, were just flat-out scary. I despised those hateful little bastards. It probably dated back to the time when we were swimming at my grandpa's pool, and my dad got out of the water and put on his tanktop, only to discover that a black widow had moved in and staked out a claim. Despite being a big tough man who had survived marriage, spoiled children, and repeated attempts by the Viet Cong to shorten his life, his reaction could only be described as "losing one's shit." Not that I blame him. He handled it a lot better than I would've. At least he didn't scream, "for the love of God, take the children!" as I undoubtedly would've.

Despite being somewhat tough in other respects, I suffered for years with arachnophobia. Even little wolf-spiders would set my blood a-curdling. I never got over the fear until I met this little beauty: the Gold Weaver Spider, of the Australian Persuasion(I've got a great photo of this bastard. I'll post it as soon as I can find it). The Gold Weaver is about as big as a dinner plate, and likes to build her web across bike paths and swimming pools. She's the biggest land spider in the world, and I actually touched one. That was right before I wet my pants, screamed like a girl, and finally got over my arachnophobia. Pretty much in that order.

As for bats, Australia doesn't really have bats, as far as I can tell. They've got flying foxes. Picture a bat with red hair and a 7-foot wingspan, and you've got a flying fox. If you're scared of anything in the animal kingdom, just go to Oz, and you'll see enough of them on a day-to-day basis to get over it.

It's cold outside and snowin' like a bastid. I could really use a warm, sunny patch of grass and a cooler full of Budweiser right about now.

1. Who the hell do you think you are?

I am the all-being, master of space, time and dimension. And I live in Europe.


2. So, other than blogging, what's your job? Do you work at some fast food joint, dumbass?

I am a self-employed designer, programmer, writer, and network administrator. Fast food joints pay better.

3. Do you have like any experience in journalism, idiot?

I am, hilariously enough, a book critic for a local magazine. That cracks me up.

4. Do you even read newspapers?

In Europe, you don't 'read' newspapers. You turn to page three and look at tits, the way God intended.

5. Do you watch any other news than FOX News propaganda, you ignorant fool?

I don't get Fox. In fact, I don't have a television. I used to have a television in my old apartment, but there were never more than three channels that came in, and they were always showing cheese documentaries.

6. I bet you're some moron talk radio listener too, huh?

I have no car, and thus no radio. I listen to 80s trash on my iPod sometimes, though.

7. So, do you get a fax from the GOP each day for what to say, you @#$% Republican parrot?

No, I get my marching orders per email.

8. Why do you and your blogger friends want to silence and fire everyone who disagrees with you, fascist?

Because they disagree with us, and it's unpleasant when people agree with us. Get me?

9. Are you completely ignorant of other countries, or do you actually own a passport?

See 1.

10. Have you even been to another country, you dumb hick?

See 1. I went to Belgium once, too. I think that's in Europe, too, but they talk all funny.

11. If you're so keen on the war, why haven't you signed up, chickenhawk?

Because I am what the kids today would call a 'pussy'.

12. Do you have any idea of the horrors of war? Have you ever reached into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face?

No, but this one time I dropped acid, and I reached into a pile of silvery, morphing goo that used to be my best friend's copy of "Watchmen" (Dave Gibbons, Alan Moore). Very unnerving.

13. Have you ever reached into any pile of goo?

Yes. While making veggie burgers, you'll spend about 15-30 minutes with your hands in a big pile of lentils, mashing them into a sort of yellow-brown paste that smells like the breath of Satan with curry-powder for effect. Then, you stuff the lentils into a plastic bag and lay them on the patient's chest to avoid contamination, and calmly administer morphine while waiting for a medic.

14. Once again, who the hell do you think you are?!"

I...I don't remember. I used to be taller and better-looking. And funny. Now, I'm going bald on my left leg and can't think of anything to say.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to get down to the immigration office and get my residence application turned down.


Via Ravnwood

Woof! Woof!

Well, hey Lassie! What's the trouble?

WOOF!

What's that you say?! Rube's trapped under a Dell Inspiron 5100?! We've got to help him! I'll get Paw!

A customer just brought this abomination of a clunker to me for fixin'. I've become such a smug Mac fanboy that I almost refused. This thing is a Cadillac among computers: Weighs about 11 lbs., creaks and squeaks when you type on it, and most of the little rubber feet have fallen off the bottom. The visual design is tasteless and obvious, made with cheap materials, something like a Trabbi with metallic-blue plastic wheels (which actually complements XP quite nicely). The track pad is squirrelly, and clicks and drags and jumps and springs like a dusted-up ferret.

Speaking of which, it also required a repair-install of Windows XP, which just served to sweeten the mixture. You'll never see such a dismal, patronizing display of wrong-headed tips, hints, and Are-You-Sure? stubbornness as the re-loading of a Microsoft operating system. It looks like a Warhol painting reproduced by a color-blind retard. Well, another color-blind retard. Everything is painted in primary colors, with enormous window controls and constant beeps, bloops, and blips that only distract you while trying to crack the activation scheme. And was somebody really so impressed by that over-saturated meadow photo that they decided to make it the default desktop background in perpetuity?

I've never understood how Dell can constantly be rated tops in support. This machine has a well-known problem, judging by the comments at ZDNet or just about anywhere else you check: The heat-sink isn't protected from dust in any way, and so the desktop-version 2.8GHz P4 that's sitting on the motherboard just overheats and shuts off the computer every 5 minutes. The customer spent the last 5 days talking to Dell support about this, and the first solution was always to re-install the operating system. That's always Dell's solution, it seems. Apparently, they've moved that troubleshooting tip up to the call center, instead of back at the repair shop where it belongs.

All you need to do to 'fix' this problem, is blow really hard into the fan vent on the backside of the computer. It may not be a real fix, in addition to looking rather silly, but it works. Then, to get around the poor design decision of putting the fan on the underside of the computer, where something as simple as missing rubber feet will cut off all air flow to the processor, you just slide a slim cd jewel case underneath the front edge of the computer. Asuming it isn't crushed by the sheer weight of the computer, it should give just enough room underneath for air to get in.

The next problem was that, after all the damage done by the Dell support guys, including the wholesale deletion of the C:\Windows directory, none of Dell's hardware worked correctly. USB ports? Forget it. Dell's answer: Re-install. My answer: 1 minute with Google to find the solution (thanks, Mr. Greene, nice work). It was this way with almost all problems the laptop had, and it's a story I will repeat inexhaustibly the next time I'm explaining to them why a $2000 P4 laptop is a worse choice than a $2500 Powerbook. Looks great on paper, but brother, the shit just...don't...work. It's made to the lowest standards, and the tech support solutions you receive are actually worse than the problem. I don't blame them: I wouldn't want to support XP either. But that was their decision. They should start developing to SkyOS.

I've never like Dell. I've always found their combination of stodgy, Warsaw Pact case design coupled with pimp-of-the-minute detail work disastrous. They can't give effective support for their products, and often border on destructive 'troubleshooting' tips that are obvious time-buying ploys to get the customer off the phone. I've had my differences with Apple tech support, but not once did the first support-o-droid on the phone tell me to reformat my hard drive to fix an overheating problem. Over-priced junk, the whole line.

I just made square biscuits. That's how lazy I am.

who doesn't care if I'm a one-way mirror?
who's not frightened by my cold exterior?
who doesn't ask me questions?
who doesn''t want to scold me?
who doesn't look for answers?
who just wants to hold me?

(hint: Isn't this a dream come true? Isn't this a nightmare, too?)

It will slip through your fingers like sand, the energy of your youth. At some point, in your dotage, you'll hear a song that will remind you of a girl you knew, maybe when your were seventeen, or maybe thirty. You may push it out of your mind for a while; a few decades, and years, and lifetimes, but there it is, waiting for you, in a little-visited dusty corner of your mind, where the cobwebs gather like ghosts. There was once a child in you, in all of us, who struggled against the world, and the limits it set for him, arbitrarily. This child had dreams, and plans for the future, and limitless possibilities. It's easy to hate this child, with his bright future and idealistic sensibilities. The reflex of old age is to hate such children, to despise their ignorance. But I've got a special relationship with the eager beaver behind me. I listen to him, and think about what he wants. There were dreams, and longing, and heartbreaking hopes between fast friends, all but forgotten now, lost in the din of the small worries that mar an adult life.

The only thing that stood in my way then is gone now. I'd do well to remember that.

Not after tonight, at any rate.

Barbecue, anybody?

Welcome to the pleasure dome, Howie. Lawrence, Kansas, the heart of conservative America, not to mention far-right gunslinging drug-addled nutcase William S. Burroughs, lordy, where are they when you need them, those big-iron boys.

danny say:

It's a dead man's party
Who could ask for more
Everybody's comin', leave your body at the door
Leave your body and soul at the door . . .

Got my best suit and my tie
Shiny silver dollar on either eye
I hear the chauffeur comin' to my door
He Says there's room for maybe just one more . . .

Go read a beautiful thought.

Being away for a long time is something everyone should do at some point, or at least have done to them. There's nothing like being rotated back, and that moment, after a year overseas, when you put your arms around your baby, your mama, or your brother. I think the only bad part is how much longer it is for you than it is for the people back home. I remember when I came back to the States after being out of the country for two years, and so many people said, 'what? I didn't realize you were out of the country!' And I was like, fucker! I just been to every goddamn corner of the world, wanting every minute to get back home in case something happened without me, and you fuckers didn't notice I was gone?! Fucker!

Well, anyway, Sandy writes it better.

I mean, how hard would it've been to do the following?

1. Press Print-Screen (BMP Saved to desktop)

Nowadays, it's the following:

1. Press Print-Screen
2. Open graphics program (Photoshop, etc)
3. Make "New Document"
4. Paste clipboard contents (the 'Print-Screen')
5. Save as...
6. Choose filename
7. Save

Of course, I've left out a couple of steps, such as, 'Figure out what the hell to do with a .BMP file'. Why does Windows default to BMP's? Does Windows use DisplayBMP(tm)? I know that if you make screenshots in KDE, with KSnapShot (an excellent application, BTW), you get PNG's on your desktop. In OS X, you get PDF's, which is understandable considering PDF is the native Mac graphic format.

In all fairness, I think you can press Alt-Print-Screen and it copies just the active window, but I gave up trying to memorize the difference between the two years ago. I mean, there's a key that says 'PrintScreen' right there on the keyboard, and it doesn't work, actually.

I usually avoid Instapundit, due to envy and a general sense of inadequacy. But this is awfully hard to resist.

I like Condi, even though I know next to nothing about her that I haven't read in New York Post. But still, I think a losing Rice candicacy in 2008 will be the one thing to finally put a nail in the coffin of the American Democratic party, and free up the left side of the aisle for a viable liberal party. There's no way the powers-that-be on the right or the left will let a black woman get elected to the Presidency, no matter how qualified she is.

The powers-that-be on both sides are going to have to expose themselves for what they are, and give up their positions to the ideologies that drive the parties. The Democrats will die by the light of day, and the Republicans will take a hit. But what's left over will be a truly conservative party for people of that persuasion, and the solution to the paradox of the left: namely, the guilt-based crypto-socialist nexus that they aspire to today will be replaced by the more libertarian version of an unregulated, merit-based identity hierarchy where the government plays no role.

It's win-win, Condi, at least for everybody but you. Take one for the team. Whatever Dimmer gets elected in 2008 will have a Republican VP, and will probably both be impeached before the end of 2009.

Wheee! The Powerbook's back!

For those who don't understand OS X, here's the deal: Picture Linux, but with plugins, Photoshop, drivers, the functionality of OS/2 (except with applications to take advantage of it), Microsoft Office (so you can communicate with the cretins who still don't understand that 99.9999% of modern communication should be formatted in plain-text, or, if you need italics to communicate effectively, XHTML). On top of that, there're binary distributions of joe, ncftp, and just about anything else that lets you get shit done.

Ahhh. It's good to be home again. After 3 days of Windows, I feel like somebody just invented the computer. Now, I simply must download some porno, if you'll excuse me...

UPDATE: Oh, yeah, not to mention effective OpenGL window rendering. Hooo-wee! Wonder what the poor people are doin'?

UPDATE II: DisplayPDF, anyone?

Fly my pretties, fly!

Now if I can only get my Powerbook back, I'll be able to continue my role as a smug, obnoxious Mac fanboy. Maybe I should boot back into slackware in meantime. At least there be bash there.

There's something about being an admin that makes people crazier than shithouse rats. Case in point, wherein Sam goes all Letterman on a bitchy PC.

There's nothing like frothy-mouthed violence upon inanimate objects to still the raging blood of a pissed-off computer guy. Too often, we have to smile and keep up appearances for our customers, lest we lose the illusion of being in control of a situation.

The best revenge I ever got to exact on a computer? At my old company, we had a Novell server that kept losing data. Eventually, we tracked it down to its Micropolis drives, which seemed to just be spinning bits off into space, despite being mirrored and duplexed. We called Micropolis, and they denied it could be the drives up until the warranty ran out, then they sent a recall notice for drives that were still under warranty.

So, my boss and I took the drives out, stacked them up a back room, and spent about 2 hours shooting them with a crossbow. A real crossbow, using 8-inch stainless steel bolts.

Micropolis + Crossbow == AWESOME!!!1

I don't want to say it's snowing like hell outside, but this morning, after hacking Scatman Crothers to death, I limped all the way to work with an axe yelling "Danny boy!" in a high, gurgling scream.

The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.

Author Hunter S. Thompson Kills Himself

Thompson was an insane dickhead, but goddamn I loved his writing. Although I disagree with every single moral principle he put down in in books like "Fear in Loathing in Las Vegas" and "Generation of Swine", he did it all with a style and humor that kept me in bloody stitches.

He was a huge influence on me when I was younger, wanting to be a writer, trying to find my own growling inner voice to tell the stories in my head.

Rest in peace, Hunter.

The world, without the moral guidance that only a Pope can bring, refused stubbornly once again this afternoon to spin out of its orbit and into a black hole of anal sex-play and contraception. The will of the West seems to be made of sturdier stuff.

At any rate, it's time to play plant the Pope. I wonder if the Catholics will go nuts and knock him out of his coffin and tear off parts of his body to keep as relics. Nah, only a bunch of complete nutjobs would pull that kind of stunt.

Well, just got through with the really tough work, and now it's time for a cookout! Y'all have a nice weekend, and don't forget Saturday Night at Manuel's Tavern!

Wow, now this is what I flew all the way over here for. It's 80 degrees outside, sunny, and I'm sitting in a café in East Atlanta, drinking coffee and enjoying wireless, surrounded by big, comfy chairs and non-judgemental people of mixed races who are also tapping away on laptops, although generally of the *ahem* Windows variety. Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you, just saying.

Of course, the whole café is non-smoking, but I'll look past that. I'm not sure I can get any work done in such a clean-air environment, but I'll give it a shot. Or go play frisbee, one or the other.

UPDATE:

Ouch. Sorry baby, but as they say: better her than me.

Debauchery for a Good Cause.

On Saturday, March 26th, there will be a benefit for Frank of Virginia-Highlands at Manuel's Tavern on North Avenue. Frank collapsed four months ago at work, and has been in the hospital ever since. He has fought his way back to possible recovery, even after doctors pronounced his case hopeless months ago. He's back from the brink of death, but will probably be in the hospital until at least early next year.

So, there will be a trivia contest, lots o' drinking, and lots of interesting people to meet, including me, Rube. All the proceeds are going to Frank's hospital bills.

Check back here for the exact time, and updates.

Frank's not doing too good. The time for Saturday is 7:00 PM, and y'all are all welcome to come by for free food and drink, as long as you pay the $25 for admission. Now come on out and get yo trivia on. Says Leigh. And she should know.

Howdy, Folks! (Hey, Sweetie!)

Been a couple a days. How y'all doin'? I landed in Atlanta on Monday afternoon, and have spent a little time settling in. It's a lot better than I thought it would be. There are W '04 bumper stickers everywhere, for example, and a nice low buzz of fear instilled by Bushitler and his jack-booted thugs at CNN and the Atlanta Journal-Consitution. That Rove is a genius; his tendrils are everywhere, and Project AmeriKKKa is coming along nicely.

Spent a little time with the cat, restrained myself from whipping my mom's new poodle with an electrical cord, and celebrated my grandmother's 74th birthday last night in the one bad mexican restaurant in north georgia, the one without any vegetarian dishes. And when did mexicans come up with a "brisket burrito" anyway, what the hell?

At any rate, I'm tooling around Atlanta now, in case any you North Georgia boys want to get together and warm up a little for the Wreckyll. Yacht Club, anyone?

Yabu's actin' all high-brow on us, telling us we're watching too much television, and that we should read books. Well, I say 'fuck that'. If I wanted to read a book, I'd join the boy scouts again or something similar, where you'd be expected to read books and stuff, weak metaphors notwithstanding.

I can think of several movies that were better than their book counterparts:

"The Shawshank Redemption", for example. The book (short story actually) was great, but the film was even better.

"Stand By Me" was based on a story in the same book, and it was also a damn fine movie, which I found better than the written version.

"One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" is also a possibility. Both the book and movie pretty freaking good.

"Bladerunner" walks all over the short story it was based on, "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sleep", as does "Star Wars", which was a book Lucas wrote a couple of years before the movie came out.

"Re-animator" is better than the H.P. Lovecraft story it was based on, although that's not really fair, considering the story was only about 3 pages long.

"Bram Stoker's Dracula", corny as it is, is less corny than the book. The book is absolutely horrible.

Frankenstein, however, is a great book, even better than the fine film version starring Robert de Niro, IMHO.

"The Ten Commandments" is better than the Bible, if only because it's shorter and got better editing.

There.

I almost never trust my gut. He's almost always wrong, for example when he's telling me I'll puke if I drink one more whiskey. Pfffft. I haven't puked due to alcohol or illness in over 10 years, I'll tell you when I'm a-done drinking, you bastard little gut. You mind your own business, like processing large amounts of fiber and vegetable material into nigh-unpassable log-jams that are shameful yet exhilarating for the right people. For my kind of people.

At any rate, in reference to what Sam's got up at the moment, I'll agree with little mister pay-your-bill-and-let's-get-some-sleep gut. That chick killed her own driver after the motor block got shot out and the car ground to a halt. Maybe even before. There's no way that an Italian Secret Service agent is going to try and run an American roadblock, period, especially not to protect a communist reporter, which is worse than counter-productive: It would be the quickest way to get her killed that you could think of. Secret Service agents, even Italian ones, are many things, but they're not stupid. That's a high-skills job.

We all know it; she should just admit. Bitch killed her own bodyguard, mark my words.

My girlfriend is in the shower right now, preparing for her big night. She's old enough now, so I figured it's time for her introduction to the beautiiful, sensual world of Southwestern Corn Bread. When she comes back to the kitchen, I'll have it waiting for her, hot and ready. She's Bavarian, and therefore had a conservative upbringing, where the subject of Southwestern Corn Bread was often treated as taboo, or dirty, something to be done with shame or loathing, and only when absolutely necessary.

This is where I feel our different backgrounds complement one another. Where I come from, Southwestern Corn Bread, when shared among two people who love each other, is a beautiful, noble thing. Perhaps the best of things. It is something to be celebrated; it is something that binds two people closer together.

I'll be gentle, and take the burden of the Southwestern Corn Bread upon myself. I repeat, I shall be gentle. Perhaps when I'm back in Germany, we can invite her sister over for some hot 2-on-1 Southwestern Corn Bread action.

UPDATE: That may very well have been the best damn piece of Southwestern Cornbread I've ever had. Just...damn!

but I was bored, and figured a little self-meme-abuse was in order. So, let's see, what's the nearest book. Ah, "Vor Drehbeginn. Effektive Planung von Film- und Fernsehproduktionen." (Peter Dress)

Page 123:

Bei Pfändung und Beschlagnahme auf den Auszahlungsanspruch, ruht dieser und tritt erst wieder in Kraft, wenn die Pfändung und Beschlagnahme aufgehoben ist. Der Produzent tritt bereits jetzt alle Rechte und Ansprüche aus sämtlichen abgeschlossenen und noch abzuschließenden Verwertungsverträgen, in dem in 4 Ziffer 2-genannten Umfang hiermit an die Bank ab. Die Bank nimmt hiermit die Abtretung an.

You dig that? Die Bank nimmt hiermit die Abtretung an, dude. Words of wisdom, my friend. Words of wisdom.

So so, the open source community is abuzz that the Mozilla Foundation is considering dumping the Mozilla Suite in favor of Firefox. I thought that was the plan all along, but I guess I was mistaken.

I like using the Mozilla Suite for several reasons. I'm the kind of person that takes notes with the HTML composer, because it generates cross-platform, linkable, formattable documents, and plus the little button's always been down there in the lower left-hand corner. The mail client is better than Thunderbird, and has worked well with IMAP servers since at least Netscape 4. The chat client always struck me as a waste of 8x16 pixels. The sidebars are cool.

That being said, I've not used it for months on Windows, and only sparingly on Mac or Linux. On Windows, Firefox is the go-to guy, because I rarely surf on Windows anyway and I'll be damned if I'll fire up that spyware-injector from Microsoft. On Mac and Linux, however, KHTML has got me convinced.

C'mon, KDE geeks, and get Konqueror and KMail ported over to Windows!

Dear fellow residents of Germany: If somebody's raping you on a daily basis, are you sure you want to start paying for their Viagra? Jungs, don't load the mugger's gun for him, 'k?

via Augie

Why is it that under Linux, in this year of our Lord 2005, Firefox still hangs when XMMS is running? Why is it that all my CUPS print queues are named lp-something, with the comment 'configured by redhat-printer-config-0.6.x', when I'm not running Red Hat, but Fedora Core 3? Why is there still no way to reconfigure X11 without restarting it? Why is all this a problem, when Linux is supposedly the most advanced operating system evar?

Well, because Linux isn't really the problem. Linux is a kernel. It works pretty well, all things considered. Firefox isn't the problem either, nor is XMMS. Firefox hangs because XMMS has the sound card open, and some browser plugins really don't like that. Apparently they don't teach people to thread around blocking calls in programming class any more. The problem is integration, and it exists in Linux because people are so busy tossing out cookie-cutter distributions that nobody thinks about actually making sure their shit is usable.

The open source community has given anyone looking to build their own desktop a huge head start. There are building blocks for every aspect of system functionality, but there still isn't anyone who's tied them together into a free desktop without making a huge mess of things. Consider the following open source software projects:

• CUPS
• Samba
• Apache
• X.org

•
These are system-level services that are useful on any desktop. One interesting tidbit about these packages is that they are simultaneously available on the world's most usable operating system, Mac OS X, and the world's least usable operating system not written in Brainfuck, Linux. The difference between the two is only in management complexity. OS X has a preference pane which controls basic configuration options for Samba, CUPS, and Apache. With Linux distributions, virtually no work was put into making sure these programs are either easily and consistently configurable or even installed with sensible defaults. They just took the things, made RPMs out of them, and tossed the steaming pile out the door. Otherwise, there's no difference between the platforms' implementations of these software packages.

Well, there is one thing: X11. X11 on Linux is a dinosaur, and is the single biggest impediment to a good free desktop. There's been some progress made after the implosion of XFree86, but the initial spurt of activity seems to be over, and we're still editing XF86Config and restarting eighty times just to get the fucking mouse-wheel to work. Except now it's called xorg.conf, but don't let the name fool you, it sucks just as bad. X11 on the Mac, on the other hand, just works, as we've come to expect. It's not made by X.org, and is not a fork of XFree86 as far as I know.

For a while, I was convinced that Linux's problem was the sheer complexity of the installations out there today. I've got a Fedora Core 3 server in the office with 799 RPMs installed. A server shouldn't need that many, in my opinion. I mean, really, what do I need X11 and gnome-print for if neither X nor Gnome are on the server? It's irrelevant, really. The problem isn't the complexity of the distributions, at least not directly. It may seem like an insurmountable job for the distribution's builder's just to make sure everything works without crashing, let alone actually trying to get any of the own software written that may make something useful out of the 4-gig 'basic' installation.

So maybe, just maybe, they should just start with a base package of the kernel, and nothing else. Tack on an FTP client. Make sure it works correctly, test it a bit. Ok, now let's take a look at those building blocks.

CUPS

I'll admit, I was taken in at first by this article on CUPS' usability problems. CUPS does fail to provide a sensible printing environment for users who just want to print, which would mean most of us. Then I thought about the fact that OS X uses CUPS without the problems this fellow had. In fact, the CUPS problems I've had using OS X only showed up when I was using a Linux machine as a server. Under Linux, I still have absolutely no idea which driver I should use for my HP Deskjet 930c. There are about 50 different drivers called 'New Deskjet 900-series' in the configuration pages, and some foomatic things, and then there's some gimp-print drivers that almost sound like what I need, and all the ones I've tried out to this point provide truly shitty output when printing from a CUPS client, be it OS X or Linux.

Connected to the Mac, it just works, and OS X filters the printer drivers in some way, so that the correct printer driver is easy to find and provides good-looking output. So, the CUPS system itself is not the problem. It needs a management UI, which should be provided with the distribution, and it needs to be installed with sensible defaults. It's my LAN, I want to print to that shared printer, OK?

Samba

I'm comfortable configuring samba from the smb.conf file, but aside from changing the server string and the workgroup, there's nothing to see here, move along. Build a start-stop applet, and put it where I can find it.

Apache

We're trying to build a networked desktop here, so let's just make another start-stop button for this thing. Some sensible defaults, like user-directories enabled, run on port 80, and show directory listings, don't follow symlinks, you get the picture. Ok, we're moving now!

X.org

This is really hopeless. There are no sensible defaults, because of the wide range of graphics hardware and input hardware out there. This is the most basic piece of a GUI-based system, and it's the weakest point of integration in any Linux distribution I've ever installed.

I've never seen a customized or enhanced version of X11 in a Linux distribution. Have you? There are no effects or enhancements that don't come first through the CVS at X.org, which is a rocky, bare, and lethargic place just like its predecessor at XFree86. I'm not sure how well anyone can create management tools for X.org, but maybe somebody out there will one day make a xorg.conf-editor that actually works half as well as the display properties dialog in Windows XP.

Once we've got these 3 elements & 1 albatross working stably, Linux will actually be ready to move into the user applications level of integration. That part should be easy.

My girlfriend had to get up early this morning and go to the doctor. Some sort of girl thing, I believe, and I've left the details as sketchy as possible in my little pea brain. Right before she left, she bent over to give me a little peck on the forehead, and my first experience of the morning was a face-full of beautiful, shining cleavage. Every day should start that way.

After she came back from the doctor, we ate breakfast. I didn't have much of an appetite, so I pardoned myself early and got ready for work. When I came back into the kitchen, she was sitting in the corner of the kitchen, playing footsie with herself. I'm still not exactly sure what that was about, but it was strangely exciting.

On the way to work, I walked past a clothing store, and there was an attractive young asian woman fondling a naked female mannequin. She was just staring into space, running her hands slowly up and down the hips of this well-proportioned, though headless and armless torso. She noticed me licking the glass and giggled nervously. She probably realized she had been added to that twisted playlist that runs on repeat in the dollar-a-minute peep-show booth that my brain has become.

Acidman's writing about bats. I used to be afraid of spiders, but I was never afraid of bats. Bats were always kind of exotic and cool, even though they were everywhere when I was a kid. Spiders, on the other hand, were just flat-out scary. I despised those hateful little bastards. It probably dated back to the time when we were swimming at my grandpa's pool, and my dad got out of the water and put on his tanktop, only to discover that a black widow had moved in and staked out a claim. Despite being a big tough man who had survived marriage, spoiled children, and repeated attempts by the Viet Cong to shorten his life, his reaction could only be described as "losing one's shit." Not that I blame him. He handled it a lot better than I would've. At least he didn't scream, "for the love of God, take the children!" as I undoubtedly would've.

Despite being somewhat tough in other respects, I suffered for years with arachnophobia. Even little wolf-spiders would set my blood a-curdling. I never got over the fear until I met this little beauty: the Gold Weaver Spider, of the Australian Persuasion(I've got a great photo of this bastard. I'll post it as soon as I can find it). The Gold Weaver is about as big as a dinner plate, and likes to build her web across bike paths and swimming pools. She's the biggest land spider in the world, and I actually touched one. That was right before I wet my pants, screamed like a girl, and finally got over my arachnophobia. Pretty much in that order.

As for bats, Australia doesn't really have bats, as far as I can tell. They've got flying foxes. Picture a bat with red hair and a 7-foot wingspan, and you've got a flying fox. If you're scared of anything in the animal kingdom, just go to Oz, and you'll see enough of them on a day-to-day basis to get over it.

It's cold outside and snowin' like a bastid. I could really use a warm, sunny patch of grass and a cooler full of Budweiser right about now.

1. Who the hell do you think you are?

I am the all-being, master of space, time and dimension. And I live in Europe.


2. So, other than blogging, what's your job? Do you work at some fast food joint, dumbass?

I am a self-employed designer, programmer, writer, and network administrator. Fast food joints pay better.

3. Do you have like any experience in journalism, idiot?

I am, hilariously enough, a book critic for a local magazine. That cracks me up.

4. Do you even read newspapers?

In Europe, you don't 'read' newspapers. You turn to page three and look at tits, the way God intended.

5. Do you watch any other news than FOX News propaganda, you ignorant fool?

I don't get Fox. In fact, I don't have a television. I used to have a television in my old apartment, but there were never more than three channels that came in, and they were always showing cheese documentaries.

6. I bet you're some moron talk radio listener too, huh?

I have no car, and thus no radio. I listen to 80s trash on my iPod sometimes, though.

7. So, do you get a fax from the GOP each day for what to say, you @#$% Republican parrot?

No, I get my marching orders per email.

8. Why do you and your blogger friends want to silence and fire everyone who disagrees with you, fascist?

Because they disagree with us, and it's unpleasant when people agree with us. Get me?

9. Are you completely ignorant of other countries, or do you actually own a passport?

See 1.

10. Have you even been to another country, you dumb hick?

See 1. I went to Belgium once, too. I think that's in Europe, too, but they talk all funny.

11. If you're so keen on the war, why haven't you signed up, chickenhawk?

Because I am what the kids today would call a 'pussy'.

12. Do you have any idea of the horrors of war? Have you ever reached into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face?

No, but this one time I dropped acid, and I reached into a pile of silvery, morphing goo that used to be my best friend's copy of "Watchmen" (Dave Gibbons, Alan Moore). Very unnerving.

13. Have you ever reached into any pile of goo?

Yes. While making veggie burgers, you'll spend about 15-30 minutes with your hands in a big pile of lentils, mashing them into a sort of yellow-brown paste that smells like the breath of Satan with curry-powder for effect. Then, you stuff the lentils into a plastic bag and lay them on the patient's chest to avoid contamination, and calmly administer morphine while waiting for a medic.

14. Once again, who the hell do you think you are?!"

I...I don't remember. I used to be taller and better-looking. And funny. Now, I'm going bald on my left leg and can't think of anything to say.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to get down to the immigration office and get my residence application turned down.


Via Ravnwood

Woof! Woof!

Well, hey Lassie! What's the trouble?

WOOF!

What's that you say?! Rube's trapped under a Dell Inspiron 5100?! We've got to help him! I'll get Paw!

A customer just brought this abomination of a clunker to me for fixin'. I've become such a smug Mac fanboy that I almost refused. This thing is a Cadillac among computers: Weighs about 11 lbs., creaks and squeaks when you type on it, and most of the little rubber feet have fallen off the bottom. The visual design is tasteless and obvious, made with cheap materials, something like a Trabbi with metallic-blue plastic wheels (which actually complements XP quite nicely). The track pad is squirrelly, and clicks and drags and jumps and springs like a dusted-up ferret.

Speaking of which, it also required a repair-install of Windows XP, which just served to sweeten the mixture. You'll never see such a dismal, patronizing display of wrong-headed tips, hints, and Are-You-Sure? stubbornness as the re-loading of a Microsoft operating system. It looks like a Warhol painting reproduced by a color-blind retard. Well, another color-blind retard. Everything is painted in primary colors, with enormous window controls and constant beeps, bloops, and blips that only distract you while trying to crack the activation scheme. And was somebody really so impressed by that over-saturated meadow photo that they decided to make it the default desktop background in perpetuity?

I've never understood how Dell can constantly be rated tops in support. This machine has a well-known problem, judging by the comments at ZDNet or just about anywhere else you check: The heat-sink isn't protected from dust in any way, and so the desktop-version 2.8GHz P4 that's sitting on the motherboard just overheats and shuts off the computer every 5 minutes. The customer spent the last 5 days talking to Dell support about this, and the first solution was always to re-install the operating system. That's always Dell's solution, it seems. Apparently, they've moved that troubleshooting tip up to the call center, instead of back at the repair shop where it belongs.

All you need to do to 'fix' this problem, is blow really hard into the fan vent on the backside of the computer. It may not be a real fix, in addition to looking rather silly, but it works. Then, to get around the poor design decision of putting the fan on the underside of the computer, where something as simple as missing rubber feet will cut off all air flow to the processor, you just slide a slim cd jewel case underneath the front edge of the computer. Asuming it isn't crushed by the sheer weight of the computer, it should give just enough room underneath for air to get in.

The next problem was that, after all the damage done by the Dell support guys, including the wholesale deletion of the C:\Windows directory, none of Dell's hardware worked correctly. USB ports? Forget it. Dell's answer: Re-install. My answer: 1 minute with Google to find the solution (thanks, Mr. Greene, nice work). It was this way with almost all problems the laptop had, and it's a story I will repeat inexhaustibly the next time I'm explaining to them why a $2000 P4 laptop is a worse choice than a $2500 Powerbook. Looks great on paper, but brother, the shit just...don't...work. It's made to the lowest standards, and the tech support solutions you receive are actually worse than the problem. I don't blame them: I wouldn't want to support XP either. But that was their decision. They should start developing to SkyOS.

I've never like Dell. I've always found their combination of stodgy, Warsaw Pact case design coupled with pimp-of-the-minute detail work disastrous. They can't give effective support for their products, and often border on destructive 'troubleshooting' tips that are obvious time-buying ploys to get the customer off the phone. I've had my differences with Apple tech support, but not once did the first support-o-droid on the phone tell me to reformat my hard drive to fix an overheating problem. Over-priced junk, the whole line.

I just made square biscuits. That's how lazy I am.

who doesn't care if I'm a one-way mirror?
who's not frightened by my cold exterior?
who doesn't ask me questions?
who doesn''t want to scold me?
who doesn't look for answers?
who just wants to hold me?

(hint: Isn't this a dream come true? Isn't this a nightmare, too?)

It will slip through your fingers like sand, the energy of your youth. At some point, in your dotage, you'll hear a song that will remind you of a girl you knew, maybe when your were seventeen, or maybe thirty. You may push it out of your mind for a while; a few decades, and years, and lifetimes, but there it is, waiting for you, in a little-visited dusty corner of your mind, where the cobwebs gather like ghosts. There was once a child in you, in all of us, who struggled against the world, and the limits it set for him, arbitrarily. This child had dreams, and plans for the future, and limitless possibilities. It's easy to hate this child, with his bright future and idealistic sensibilities. The reflex of old age is to hate such children, to despise their ignorance. But I've got a special relationship with the eager beaver behind me. I listen to him, and think about what he wants. There were dreams, and longing, and heartbreaking hopes between fast friends, all but forgotten now, lost in the din of the small worries that mar an adult life.

The only thing that stood in my way then is gone now. I'd do well to remember that.

Not after tonight, at any rate.

Barbecue, anybody?

Welcome to the pleasure dome, Howie. Lawrence, Kansas, the heart of conservative America, not to mention far-right gunslinging drug-addled nutcase William S. Burroughs, lordy, where are they when you need them, those big-iron boys.

danny say:

It's a dead man's party
Who could ask for more
Everybody's comin', leave your body at the door
Leave your body and soul at the door . . .

Got my best suit and my tie
Shiny silver dollar on either eye
I hear the chauffeur comin' to my door
He Says there's room for maybe just one more . . .

Go read a beautiful thought.

Being away for a long time is something everyone should do at some point, or at least have done to them. There's nothing like being rotated back, and that moment, after a year overseas, when you put your arms around your baby, your mama, or your brother. I think the only bad part is how much longer it is for you than it is for the people back home. I remember when I came back to the States after being out of the country for two years, and so many people said, 'what? I didn't realize you were out of the country!' And I was like, fucker! I just been to every goddamn corner of the world, wanting every minute to get back home in case something happened without me, and you fuckers didn't notice I was gone?! Fucker!

Well, anyway, Sandy writes it better.

I mean, how hard would it've been to do the following?

1. Press Print-Screen (BMP Saved to desktop)

Nowadays, it's the following:

1. Press Print-Screen
2. Open graphics program (Photoshop, etc)
3. Make "New Document"
4. Paste clipboard contents (the 'Print-Screen')
5. Save as...
6. Choose filename
7. Save

Of course, I've left out a couple of steps, such as, 'Figure out what the hell to do with a .BMP file'. Why does Windows default to BMP's? Does Windows use DisplayBMP(tm)? I know that if you make screenshots in KDE, with KSnapShot (an excellent application, BTW), you get PNG's on your desktop. In OS X, you get PDF's, which is understandable considering PDF is the native Mac graphic format.

In all fairness, I think you can press Alt-Print-Screen and it copies just the active window, but I gave up trying to memorize the difference between the two years ago. I mean, there's a key that says 'PrintScreen' right there on the keyboard, and it doesn't work, actually.

I usually avoid Instapundit, due to envy and a general sense of inadequacy. But this is awfully hard to resist.

I like Condi, even though I know next to nothing about her that I haven't read in New York Post. But still, I think a losing Rice candicacy in 2008 will be the one thing to finally put a nail in the coffin of the American Democratic party, and free up the left side of the aisle for a viable liberal party. There's no way the powers-that-be on the right or the left will let a black woman get elected to the Presidency, no matter how qualified she is.

The powers-that-be on both sides are going to have to expose themselves for what they are, and give up their positions to the ideologies that drive the parties. The Democrats will die by the light of day, and the Republicans will take a hit. But what's left over will be a truly conservative party for people of that persuasion, and the solution to the paradox of the left: namely, the guilt-based crypto-socialist nexus that they aspire to today will be replaced by the more libertarian version of an unregulated, merit-based identity hierarchy where the government plays no role.

It's win-win, Condi, at least for everybody but you. Take one for the team. Whatever Dimmer gets elected in 2008 will have a Republican VP, and will probably both be impeached before the end of 2009.

Wheee! The Powerbook's back!

For those who don't understand OS X, here's the deal: Picture Linux, but with plugins, Photoshop, drivers, the functionality of OS/2 (except with applications to take advantage of it), Microsoft Office (so you can communicate with the cretins who still don't understand that 99.9999% of modern communication should be formatted in plain-text, or, if you need italics to communicate effectively, XHTML). On top of that, there're binary distributions of joe, ncftp, and just about anything else that lets you get shit done.

Ahhh. It's good to be home again. After 3 days of Windows, I feel like somebody just invented the computer. Now, I simply must download some porno, if you'll excuse me...

UPDATE: Oh, yeah, not to mention effective OpenGL window rendering. Hooo-wee! Wonder what the poor people are doin'?

UPDATE II: DisplayPDF, anyone?

Fly my pretties, fly!

Now if I can only get my Powerbook back, I'll be able to continue my role as a smug, obnoxious Mac fanboy. Maybe I should boot back into slackware in meantime. At least there be bash there.

There's something about being an admin that makes people crazier than shithouse rats. Case in point, wherein Sam goes all Letterman on a bitchy PC.

There's nothing like frothy-mouthed violence upon inanimate objects to still the raging blood of a pissed-off computer guy. Too often, we have to smile and keep up appearances for our customers, lest we lose the illusion of being in control of a situation.

The best revenge I ever got to exact on a computer? At my old company, we had a Novell server that kept losing data. Eventually, we tracked it down to its Micropolis drives, which seemed to just be spinning bits off into space, despite being mirrored and duplexed. We called Micropolis, and they denied it could be the drives up until the warranty ran out, then they sent a recall notice for drives that were still under warranty.

So, my boss and I took the drives out, stacked them up a back room, and spent about 2 hours shooting them with a crossbow. A real crossbow, using 8-inch stainless steel bolts.

Micropolis + Crossbow == AWESOME!!!1

I don't want to say it's snowing like hell outside, but this morning, after hacking Scatman Crothers to death, I limped all the way to work with an axe yelling "Danny boy!" in a high, gurgling scream.

The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.

Author Hunter S. Thompson Kills Himself

Thompson was an insane dickhead, but goddamn I loved his writing. Although I disagree with every single moral principle he put down in in books like "Fear in Loathing in Las Vegas" and "Generation of Swine", he did it all with a style and humor that kept me in bloody stitches.

He was a huge influence on me when I was younger, wanting to be a writer, trying to find my own growling inner voice to tell the stories in my head.

Rest in peace, Hunter.

The world, without the moral guidance that only a Pope can bring, refused stubbornly once again this afternoon to spin out of its orbit and into a black hole of anal sex-play and contraception. The will of the West seems to be made of sturdier stuff.

At any rate, it's time to play plant the Pope. I wonder if the Catholics will go nuts and knock him out of his coffin and tear off parts of his body to keep as relics. Nah, only a bunch of complete nutjobs would pull that kind of stunt.

Well, just got through with the really tough work, and now it's time for a cookout! Y'all have a nice weekend, and don't forget Saturday Night at Manuel's Tavern!

Wow, now this is what I flew all the way over here for. It's 80 degrees outside, sunny, and I'm sitting in a café in East Atlanta, drinking coffee and enjoying wireless, surrounded by big, comfy chairs and non-judgemental people of mixed races who are also tapping away on laptops, although generally of the *ahem* Windows variety. Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you, just saying.

Of course, the whole café is non-smoking, but I'll look past that. I'm not sure I can get any work done in such a clean-air environment, but I'll give it a shot. Or go play frisbee, one or the other.

UPDATE:

Ouch. Sorry baby, but as they say: better her than me.

Debauchery for a Good Cause.

On Saturday, March 26th, there will be a benefit for Frank of Virginia-Highlands at Manuel's Tavern on North Avenue. Frank collapsed four months ago at work, and has been in the hospital ever since. He has fought his way back to possible recovery, even after doctors pronounced his case hopeless months ago. He's back from the brink of death, but will probably be in the hospital until at least early next year.

So, there will be a trivia contest, lots o' drinking, and lots of interesting people to meet, including me, Rube. All the proceeds are going to Frank's hospital bills.

Check back here for the exact time, and updates.

Frank's not doing too good. The time for Saturday is 7:00 PM, and y'all are all welcome to come by for free food and drink, as long as you pay the $25 for admission. Now come on out and get yo trivia on. Says Leigh. And she should know.

Howdy, Folks! (Hey, Sweetie!)

Been a couple a days. How y'all doin'? I landed in Atlanta on Monday afternoon, and have spent a little time settling in. It's a lot better than I thought it would be. There are W '04 bumper stickers everywhere, for example, and a nice low buzz of fear instilled by Bushitler and his jack-booted thugs at CNN and the Atlanta Journal-Consitution. That Rove is a genius; his tendrils are everywhere, and Project AmeriKKKa is coming along nicely.

Spent a little time with the cat, restrained myself from whipping my mom's new poodle with an electrical cord, and celebrated my grandmother's 74th birthday last night in the one bad mexican restaurant in north georgia, the one without any vegetarian dishes. And when did mexicans come up with a "brisket burrito" anyway, what the hell?

At any rate, I'm tooling around Atlanta now, in case any you North Georgia boys want to get together and warm up a little for the Wreckyll. Yacht Club, anyone?

Yabu's actin' all high-brow on us, telling us we're watching too much television, and that we should read books. Well, I say 'fuck that'. If I wanted to read a book, I'd join the boy scouts again or something similar, where you'd be expected to read books and stuff, weak metaphors notwithstanding.

I can think of several movies that were better than their book counterparts:

"The Shawshank Redemption", for example. The book (short story actually) was great, but the film was even better.

"Stand By Me" was based on a story in the same book, and it was also a damn fine movie, which I found better than the written version.

"One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" is also a possibility. Both the book and movie pretty freaking good.

"Bladerunner" walks all over the short story it was based on, "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sleep", as does "Star Wars", which was a book Lucas wrote a couple of years before the movie came out.

"Re-animator" is better than the H.P. Lovecraft story it was based on, although that's not really fair, considering the story was only about 3 pages long.

"Bram Stoker's Dracula", corny as it is, is less corny than the book. The book is absolutely horrible.

Frankenstein, however, is a great book, even better than the fine film version starring Robert de Niro, IMHO.

"The Ten Commandments" is better than the Bible, if only because it's shorter and got better editing.

There.

I almost never trust my gut. He's almost always wrong, for example when he's telling me I'll puke if I drink one more whiskey. Pfffft. I haven't puked due to alcohol or illness in over 10 years, I'll tell you when I'm a-done drinking, you bastard little gut. You mind your own business, like processing large amounts of fiber and vegetable material into nigh-unpassable log-jams that are shameful yet exhilarating for the right people. For my kind of people.

At any rate, in reference to what Sam's got up at the moment, I'll agree with little mister pay-your-bill-and-let's-get-some-sleep gut. That chick killed her own driver after the motor block got shot out and the car ground to a halt. Maybe even before. There's no way that an Italian Secret Service agent is going to try and run an American roadblock, period, especially not to protect a communist reporter, which is worse than counter-productive: It would be the quickest way to get her killed that you could think of. Secret Service agents, even Italian ones, are many things, but they're not stupid. That's a high-skills job.

We all know it; she should just admit. Bitch killed her own bodyguard, mark my words.

My girlfriend is in the shower right now, preparing for her big night. She's old enough now, so I figured it's time for her introduction to the beautiiful, sensual world of Southwestern Corn Bread. When she comes back to the kitchen, I'll have it waiting for her, hot and ready. She's Bavarian, and therefore had a conservative upbringing, where the subject of Southwestern Corn Bread was often treated as taboo, or dirty, something to be done with shame or loathing, and only when absolutely necessary.

This is where I feel our different backgrounds complement one another. Where I come from, Southwestern Corn Bread, when shared among two people who love each other, is a beautiful, noble thing. Perhaps the best of things. It is something to be celebrated; it is something that binds two people closer together.

I'll be gentle, and take the burden of the Southwestern Corn Bread upon myself. I repeat, I shall be gentle. Perhaps when I'm back in Germany, we can invite her sister over for some hot 2-on-1 Southwestern Corn Bread action.

UPDATE: That may very well have been the best damn piece of Southwestern Cornbread I've ever had. Just...damn!

but I was bored, and figured a little self-meme-abuse was in order. So, let's see, what's the nearest book. Ah, "Vor Drehbeginn. Effektive Planung von Film- und Fernsehproduktionen." (Peter Dress)

Page 123:

Bei Pfändung und Beschlagnahme auf den Auszahlungsanspruch, ruht dieser und tritt erst wieder in Kraft, wenn die Pfändung und Beschlagnahme aufgehoben ist. Der Produzent tritt bereits jetzt alle Rechte und Ansprüche aus sämtlichen abgeschlossenen und noch abzuschließenden Verwertungsverträgen, in dem in 4 Ziffer 2-genannten Umfang hiermit an die Bank ab. Die Bank nimmt hiermit die Abtretung an.

You dig that? Die Bank nimmt hiermit die Abtretung an, dude. Words of wisdom, my friend. Words of wisdom.

So so, the open source community is abuzz that the Mozilla Foundation is considering dumping the Mozilla Suite in favor of Firefox. I thought that was the plan all along, but I guess I was mistaken.

I like using the Mozilla Suite for several reasons. I'm the kind of person that takes notes with the HTML composer, because it generates cross-platform, linkable, formattable documents, and plus the little button's always been down there in the lower left-hand corner. The mail client is better than Thunderbird, and has worked well with IMAP servers since at least Netscape 4. The chat client always struck me as a waste of 8x16 pixels. The sidebars are cool.

That being said, I've not used it for months on Windows, and only sparingly on Mac or Linux. On Windows, Firefox is the go-to guy, because I rarely surf on Windows anyway and I'll be damned if I'll fire up that spyware-injector from Microsoft. On Mac and Linux, however, KHTML has got me convinced.

C'mon, KDE geeks, and get Konqueror and KMail ported over to Windows!

Dear fellow residents of Germany: If somebody's raping you on a daily basis, are you sure you want to start paying for their Viagra? Jungs, don't load the mugger's gun for him, 'k?

via Augie

Why is it that under Linux, in this year of our Lord 2005, Firefox still hangs when XMMS is running? Why is it that all my CUPS print queues are named lp-something, with the comment 'configured by redhat-printer-config-0.6.x', when I'm not running Red Hat, but Fedora Core 3? Why is there still no way to reconfigure X11 without restarting it? Why is all this a problem, when Linux is supposedly the most advanced operating system evar?

Well, because Linux isn't really the problem. Linux is a kernel. It works pretty well, all things considered. Firefox isn't the problem either, nor is XMMS. Firefox hangs because XMMS has the sound card open, and some browser plugins really don't like that. Apparently they don't teach people to thread around blocking calls in programming class any more. The problem is integration, and it exists in Linux because people are so busy tossing out cookie-cutter distributions that nobody thinks about actually making sure their shit is usable.

The open source community has given anyone looking to build their own desktop a huge head start. There are building blocks for every aspect of system functionality, but there still isn't anyone who's tied them together into a free desktop without making a huge mess of things. Consider the following open source software projects:

• CUPS
• Samba
• Apache
• X.org

•
These are system-level services that are useful on any desktop. One interesting tidbit about these packages is that they are simultaneously available on the world's most usable operating system, Mac OS X, and the world's least usable operating system not written in Brainfuck, Linux. The difference between the two is only in management complexity. OS X has a preference pane which controls basic configuration options for Samba, CUPS, and Apache. With Linux distributions, virtually no work was put into making sure these programs are either easily and consistently configurable or even installed with sensible defaults. They just took the things, made RPMs out of them, and tossed the steaming pile out the door. Otherwise, there's no difference between the platforms' implementations of these software packages.

Well, there is one thing: X11. X11 on Linux is a dinosaur, and is the single biggest impediment to a good free desktop. There's been some progress made after the implosion of XFree86, but the initial spurt of activity seems to be over, and we're still editing XF86Config and restarting eighty times just to get the fucking mouse-wheel to work. Except now it's called xorg.conf, but don't let the name fool you, it sucks just as bad. X11 on the Mac, on the other hand, just works, as we've come to expect. It's not made by X.org, and is not a fork of XFree86 as far as I know.

For a while, I was convinced that Linux's problem was the sheer complexity of the installations out there today. I've got a Fedora Core 3 server in the office with 799 RPMs installed. A server shouldn't need that many, in my opinion. I mean, really, what do I need X11 and gnome-print for if neither X nor Gnome are on the server? It's irrelevant, really. The problem isn't the complexity of the distributions, at least not directly. It may seem like an insurmountable job for the distribution's builder's just to make sure everything works without crashing, let alone actually trying to get any of the own software written that may make something useful out of the 4-gig 'basic' installation.

So maybe, just maybe, they should just start with a base package of the kernel, and nothing else. Tack on an FTP client. Make sure it works correctly, test it a bit. Ok, now let's take a look at those building blocks.

CUPS

I'll admit, I was taken in at first by this article on CUPS' usability problems. CUPS does fail to provide a sensible printing environment for users who just want to print, which would mean most of us. Then I thought about the fact that OS X uses CUPS without the problems this fellow had. In fact, the CUPS problems I've had using OS X only showed up when I was using a Linux machine as a server. Under Linux, I still have absolutely no idea which driver I should use for my HP Deskjet 930c. There are about 50 different drivers called 'New Deskjet 900-series' in the configuration pages, and some foomatic things, and then there's some gimp-print drivers that almost sound like what I need, and all the ones I've tried out to this point provide truly shitty output when printing from a CUPS client, be it OS X or Linux.

Connected to the Mac, it just works, and OS X filters the printer drivers in some way, so that the correct printer driver is easy to find and provides good-looking output. So, the CUPS system itself is not the problem. It needs a management UI, which should be provided with the distribution, and it needs to be installed with sensible defaults. It's my LAN, I want to print to that shared printer, OK?

Samba

I'm comfortable configuring samba from the smb.conf file, but aside from changing the server string and the workgroup, there's nothing to see here, move along. Build a start-stop applet, and put it where I can find it.

Apache

We're trying to build a networked desktop here, so let's just make another start-stop button for this thing. Some sensible defaults, like user-directories enabled, run on port 80, and show directory listings, don't follow symlinks, you get the picture. Ok, we're moving now!

X.org

This is really hopeless. There are no sensible defaults, because of the wide range of graphics hardware and input hardware out there. This is the most basic piece of a GUI-based system, and it's the weakest point of integration in any Linux distribution I've ever installed.

I've never seen a customized or enhanced version of X11 in a Linux distribution. Have you? There are no effects or enhancements that don't come first through the CVS at X.org, which is a rocky, bare, and lethargic place just like its predecessor at XFree86. I'm not sure how well anyone can create management tools for X.org, but maybe somebody out there will one day make a xorg.conf-editor that actually works half as well as the display properties dialog in Windows XP.

Once we've got these 3 elements & 1 albatross working stably, Linux will actually be ready to move into the user applications level of integration. That part should be easy.

My girlfriend had to get up early this morning and go to the doctor. Some sort of girl thing, I believe, and I've left the details as sketchy as possible in my little pea brain. Right before she left, she bent over to give me a little peck on the forehead, and my first experience of the morning was a face-full of beautiful, shining cleavage. Every day should start that way.

After she came back from the doctor, we ate breakfast. I didn't have much of an appetite, so I pardoned myself early and got ready for work. When I came back into the kitchen, she was sitting in the corner of the kitchen, playing footsie with herself. I'm still not exactly sure what that was about, but it was strangely exciting.

On the way to work, I walked past a clothing store, and there was an attractive young asian woman fondling a naked female mannequin. She was just staring into space, running her hands slowly up and down the hips of this well-proportioned, though headless and armless torso. She noticed me licking the glass and giggled nervously. She probably realized she had been added to that twisted playlist that runs on repeat in the dollar-a-minute peep-show booth that my brain has become.

Acidman's writing about bats. I used to be afraid of spiders, but I was never afraid of bats. Bats were always kind of exotic and cool, even though they were everywhere when I was a kid. Spiders, on the other hand, were just flat-out scary. I despised those hateful little bastards. It probably dated back to the time when we were swimming at my grandpa's pool, and my dad got out of the water and put on his tanktop, only to discover that a black widow had moved in and staked out a claim. Despite being a big tough man who had survived marriage, spoiled children, and repeated attempts by the Viet Cong to shorten his life, his reaction could only be described as "losing one's shit." Not that I blame him. He handled it a lot better than I would've. At least he didn't scream, "for the love of God, take the children!" as I undoubtedly would've.

Despite being somewhat tough in other respects, I suffered for years with arachnophobia. Even little wolf-spiders would set my blood a-curdling. I never got over the fear until I met this little beauty: the Gold Weaver Spider, of the Australian Persuasion(I've got a great photo of this bastard. I'll post it as soon as I can find it). The Gold Weaver is about as big as a dinner plate, and likes to build her web across bike paths and swimming pools. She's the biggest land spider in the world, and I actually touched one. That was right before I wet my pants, screamed like a girl, and finally got over my arachnophobia. Pretty much in that order.

As for bats, Australia doesn't really have bats, as far as I can tell. They've got flying foxes. Picture a bat with red hair and a 7-foot wingspan, and you've got a flying fox. If you're scared of anything in the animal kingdom, just go to Oz, and you'll see enough of them on a day-to-day basis to get over it.

It's cold outside and snowin' like a bastid. I could really use a warm, sunny patch of grass and a cooler full of Budweiser right about now.

1. Who the hell do you think you are?

I am the all-being, master of space, time and dimension. And I live in Europe.


2. So, other than blogging, what's your job? Do you work at some fast food joint, dumbass?

I am a self-employed designer, programmer, writer, and network administrator. Fast food joints pay better.

3. Do you have like any experience in journalism, idiot?

I am, hilariously enough, a book critic for a local magazine. That cracks me up.

4. Do you even read newspapers?

In Europe, you don't 'read' newspapers. You turn to page three and look at tits, the way God intended.

5. Do you watch any other news than FOX News propaganda, you ignorant fool?

I don't get Fox. In fact, I don't have a television. I used to have a television in my old apartment, but there were never more than three channels that came in, and they were always showing cheese documentaries.

6. I bet you're some moron talk radio listener too, huh?

I have no car, and thus no radio. I listen to 80s trash on my iPod sometimes, though.

7. So, do you get a fax from the GOP each day for what to say, you @#$% Republican parrot?

No, I get my marching orders per email.

8. Why do you and your blogger friends want to silence and fire everyone who disagrees with you, fascist?

Because they disagree with us, and it's unpleasant when people agree with us. Get me?

9. Are you completely ignorant of other countries, or do you actually own a passport?

See 1.

10. Have you even been to another country, you dumb hick?

See 1. I went to Belgium once, too. I think that's in Europe, too, but they talk all funny.

11. If you're so keen on the war, why haven't you signed up, chickenhawk?

Because I am what the kids today would call a 'pussy'.

12. Do you have any idea of the horrors of war? Have you ever reached into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face?

No, but this one time I dropped acid, and I reached into a pile of silvery, morphing goo that used to be my best friend's copy of "Watchmen" (Dave Gibbons, Alan Moore). Very unnerving.

13. Have you ever reached into any pile of goo?

Yes. While making veggie burgers, you'll spend about 15-30 minutes with your hands in a big pile of lentils, mashing them into a sort of yellow-brown paste that smells like the breath of Satan with curry-powder for effect. Then, you stuff the lentils into a plastic bag and lay them on the patient's chest to avoid contamination, and calmly administer morphine while waiting for a medic.

14. Once again, who the hell do you think you are?!"

I...I don't remember. I used to be taller and better-looking. And funny. Now, I'm going bald on my left leg and can't think of anything to say.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to get down to the immigration office and get my residence application turned down.


Via Ravnwood

Woof! Woof!

Well, hey Lassie! What's the trouble?

WOOF!

What's that you say?! Rube's trapped under a Dell Inspiron 5100?! We've got to help him! I'll get Paw!

A customer just brought this abomination of a clunker to me for fixin'. I've become such a smug Mac fanboy that I almost refused. This thing is a Cadillac among computers: Weighs about 11 lbs., creaks and squeaks when you type on it, and most of the little rubber feet have fallen off the bottom. The visual design is tasteless and obvious, made with cheap materials, something like a Trabbi with metallic-blue plastic wheels (which actually complements XP quite nicely). The track pad is squirrelly, and clicks and drags and jumps and springs like a dusted-up ferret.

Speaking of which, it also required a repair-install of Windows XP, which just served to sweeten the mixture. You'll never see such a dismal, patronizing display of wrong-headed tips, hints, and Are-You-Sure? stubbornness as the re-loading of a Microsoft operating system. It looks like a Warhol painting reproduced by a color-blind retard. Well, another color-blind retard. Everything is painted in primary colors, with enormous window controls and constant beeps, bloops, and blips that only distract you while trying to crack the activation scheme. And was somebody really so impressed by that over-saturated meadow photo that they decided to make it the default desktop background in perpetuity?

I've never understood how Dell can constantly be rated tops in support. This machine has a well-known problem, judging by the comments at ZDNet or just about anywhere else you check: The heat-sink isn't protected from dust in any way, and so the desktop-version 2.8GHz P4 that's sitting on the motherboard just overheats and shuts off the computer every 5 minutes. The customer spent the last 5 days talking to Dell support about this, and the first solution was always to re-install the operating system. That's always Dell's solution, it seems. Apparently, they've moved that troubleshooting tip up to the call center, instead of back at the repair shop where it belongs.

All you need to do to 'fix' this problem, is blow really hard into the fan vent on the backside of the computer. It may not be a real fix, in addition to looking rather silly, but it works. Then, to get around the poor design decision of putting the fan on the underside of the computer, where something as simple as missing rubber feet will cut off all air flow to the processor, you just slide a slim cd jewel case underneath the front edge of the computer. Asuming it isn't crushed by the sheer weight of the computer, it should give just enough room underneath for air to get in.

The next problem was that, after all the damage done by the Dell support guys, including the wholesale deletion of the C:\Windows directory, none of Dell's hardware worked correctly. USB ports? Forget it. Dell's answer: Re-install. My answer: 1 minute with Google to find the solution (thanks, Mr. Greene, nice work). It was this way with almost all problems the laptop had, and it's a story I will repeat inexhaustibly the next time I'm explaining to them why a $2000 P4 laptop is a worse choice than a $2500 Powerbook. Looks great on paper, but brother, the shit just...don't...work. It's made to the lowest standards, and the tech support solutions you receive are actually worse than the problem. I don't blame them: I wouldn't want to support XP either. But that was their decision. They should start developing to SkyOS.

I've never like Dell. I've always found their combination of stodgy, Warsaw Pact case design coupled with pimp-of-the-minute detail work disastrous. They can't give effective support for their products, and often border on destructive 'troubleshooting' tips that are obvious time-buying ploys to get the customer off the phone. I've had my differences with Apple tech support, but not once did the first support-o-droid on the phone tell me to reformat my hard drive to fix an overheating problem. Over-priced junk, the whole line.

I just made square biscuits. That's how lazy I am.

who doesn't care if I'm a one-way mirror?
who's not frightened by my cold exterior?
who doesn't ask me questions?
who doesn''t want to scold me?
who doesn't look for answers?
who just wants to hold me?

(hint: Isn't this a dream come true? Isn't this a nightmare, too?)

It will slip through your fingers like sand, the energy of your youth. At some point, in your dotage, you'll hear a song that will remind you of a girl you knew, maybe when your were seventeen, or maybe thirty. You may push it out of your mind for a while; a few decades, and years, and lifetimes, but there it is, waiting for you, in a little-visited dusty corner of your mind, where the cobwebs gather like ghosts. There was once a child in you, in all of us, who struggled against the world, and the limits it set for him, arbitrarily. This child had dreams, and plans for the future, and limitless possibilities. It's easy to hate this child, with his bright future and idealistic sensibilities. The reflex of old age is to hate such children, to despise their ignorance. But I've got a special relationship with the eager beaver behind me. I listen to him, and think about what he wants. There were dreams, and longing, and heartbreaking hopes between fast friends, all but forgotten now, lost in the din of the small worries that mar an adult life.

The only thing that stood in my way then is gone now. I'd do well to remember that.

Not after tonight, at any rate.

Barbecue, anybody?

Welcome to the pleasure dome, Howie. Lawrence, Kansas, the heart of conservative America, not to mention far-right gunslinging drug-addled nutcase William S. Burroughs, lordy, where are they when you need them, those big-iron boys.

danny say:

It's a dead man's party
Who could ask for more
Everybody's comin', leave your body at the door
Leave your body and soul at the door . . .

Got my best suit and my tie
Shiny silver dollar on either eye
I hear the chauffeur comin' to my door
He Says there's room for maybe just one more . . .

Go read a beautiful thought.

Being away for a long time is something everyone should do at some point, or at least have done to them. There's nothing like being rotated back, and that moment, after a year overseas, when you put your arms around your baby, your mama, or your brother. I think the only bad part is how much longer it is for you than it is for the people back home. I remember when I came back to the States after being out of the country for two years, and so many people said, 'what? I didn't realize you were out of the country!' And I was like, fucker! I just been to every goddamn corner of the world, wanting every minute to get back home in case something happened without me, and you fuckers didn't notice I was gone?! Fucker!

Well, anyway, Sandy writes it better.

I mean, how hard would it've been to do the following?

1. Press Print-Screen (BMP Saved to desktop)

Nowadays, it's the following:

1. Press Print-Screen
2. Open graphics program (Photoshop, etc)
3. Make "New Document"
4. Paste clipboard contents (the 'Print-Screen')
5. Save as...
6. Choose filename
7. Save

Of course, I've left out a couple of steps, such as, 'Figure out what the hell to do with a .BMP file'. Why does Windows default to BMP's? Does Windows use DisplayBMP(tm)? I know that if you make screenshots in KDE, with KSnapShot (an excellent application, BTW), you get PNG's on your desktop. In OS X, you get PDF's, which is understandable considering PDF is the native Mac graphic format.

In all fairness, I think you can press Alt-Print-Screen and it copies just the active window, but I gave up trying to memorize the difference between the two years ago. I mean, there's a key that says 'PrintScreen' right there on the keyboard, and it doesn't work, actually.

I usually avoid Instapundit, due to envy and a general sense of inadequacy. But this is awfully hard to resist.

I like Condi, even though I know next to nothing about her that I haven't read in New York Post. But still, I think a losing Rice candicacy in 2008 will be the one thing to finally put a nail in the coffin of the American Democratic party, and free up the left side of the aisle for a viable liberal party. There's no way the powers-that-be on the right or the left will let a black woman get elected to the Presidency, no matter how qualified she is.

The powers-that-be on both sides are going to have to expose themselves for what they are, and give up their positions to the ideologies that drive the parties. The Democrats will die by the light of day, and the Republicans will take a hit. But what's left over will be a truly conservative party for people of that persuasion, and the solution to the paradox of the left: namely, the guilt-based crypto-socialist nexus that they aspire to today will be replaced by the more libertarian version of an unregulated, merit-based identity hierarchy where the government plays no role.

It's win-win, Condi, at least for everybody but you. Take one for the team. Whatever Dimmer gets elected in 2008 will have a Republican VP, and will probably both be impeached before the end of 2009.

Wheee! The Powerbook's back!

For those who don't understand OS X, here's the deal: Picture Linux, but with plugins, Photoshop, drivers, the functionality of OS/2 (except with applications to take advantage of it), Microsoft Office (so you can communicate with the cretins who still don't understand that 99.9999% of modern communication should be formatted in plain-text, or, if you need italics to communicate effectively, XHTML). On top of that, there're binary distributions of joe, ncftp, and just about anything else that lets you get shit done.

Ahhh. It's good to be home again. After 3 days of Windows, I feel like somebody just invented the computer. Now, I simply must download some porno, if you'll excuse me...

UPDATE: Oh, yeah, not to mention effective OpenGL window rendering. Hooo-wee! Wonder what the poor people are doin'?

UPDATE II: DisplayPDF, anyone?

Fly my pretties, fly!

Now if I can only get my Powerbook back, I'll be able to continue my role as a smug, obnoxious Mac fanboy. Maybe I should boot back into slackware in meantime. At least there be bash there.

There's something about being an admin that makes people crazier than shithouse rats. Case in point, wherein Sam goes all Letterman on a bitchy PC.

There's nothing like frothy-mouthed violence upon inanimate objects to still the raging blood of a pissed-off computer guy. Too often, we have to smile and keep up appearances for our customers, lest we lose the illusion of being in control of a situation.

The best revenge I ever got to exact on a computer? At my old company, we had a Novell server that kept losing data. Eventually, we tracked it down to its Micropolis drives, which seemed to just be spinning bits off into space, despite being mirrored and duplexed. We called Micropolis, and they denied it could be the drives up until the warranty ran out, then they sent a recall notice for drives that were still under warranty.

So, my boss and I took the drives out, stacked them up a back room, and spent about 2 hours shooting them with a crossbow. A real crossbow, using 8-inch stainless steel bolts.

Micropolis + Crossbow == AWESOME!!!1

I don't want to say it's snowing like hell outside, but this morning, after hacking Scatman Crothers to death, I limped all the way to work with an axe yelling "Danny boy!" in a high, gurgling scream.

The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.

Author Hunter S. Thompson Kills Himself

Thompson was an insane dickhead, but goddamn I loved his writing. Although I disagree with every single moral principle he put down in in books like "Fear in Loathing in Las Vegas" and "Generation of Swine", he did it all with a style and humor that kept me in bloody stitches.

He was a huge influence on me when I was younger, wanting to be a writer, trying to find my own growling inner voice to tell the stories in my head.

Rest in peace, Hunter.

The world, without the moral guidance that only a Pope can bring, refused stubbornly once again this afternoon to spin out of its orbit and into a black hole of anal sex-play and contraception. The will of the West seems to be made of sturdier stuff.

At any rate, it's time to play plant the Pope. I wonder if the Catholics will go nuts and knock him out of his coffin and tear off parts of his body to keep as relics. Nah, only a bunch of complete nutjobs would pull that kind of stunt.

Well, just got through with the really tough work, and now it's time for a cookout! Y'all have a nice weekend, and don't forget Saturday Night at Manuel's Tavern!

Wow, now this is what I flew all the way over here for. It's 80 degrees outside, sunny, and I'm sitting in a café in East Atlanta, drinking coffee and enjoying wireless, surrounded by big, comfy chairs and non-judgemental people of mixed races who are also tapping away on laptops, although generally of the *ahem* Windows variety. Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you, just saying.

Of course, the whole café is non-smoking, but I'll look past that. I'm not sure I can get any work done in such a clean-air environment, but I'll give it a shot. Or go play frisbee, one or the other.

UPDATE:

Ouch. Sorry baby, but as they say: better her than me.

Debauchery for a Good Cause.

On Saturday, March 26th, there will be a benefit for Frank of Virginia-Highlands at Manuel's Tavern on North Avenue. Frank collapsed four months ago at work, and has been in the hospital ever since. He has fought his way back to possible recovery, even after doctors pronounced his case hopeless months ago. He's back from the brink of death, but will probably be in the hospital until at least early next year.

So, there will be a trivia contest, lots o' drinking, and lots of interesting people to meet, including me, Rube. All the proceeds are going to Frank's hospital bills.

Check back here for the exact time, and updates.

Frank's not doing too good. The time for Saturday is 7:00 PM, and y'all are all welcome to come by for free food and drink, as long as you pay the $25 for admission. Now come on out and get yo trivia on. Says Leigh. And she should know.

Howdy, Folks! (Hey, Sweetie!)

Been a couple a days. How y'all doin'? I landed in Atlanta on Monday afternoon, and have spent a little time settling in. It's a lot better than I thought it would be. There are W '04 bumper stickers everywhere, for example, and a nice low buzz of fear instilled by Bushitler and his jack-booted thugs at CNN and the Atlanta Journal-Consitution. That Rove is a genius; his tendrils are everywhere, and Project AmeriKKKa is coming along nicely.

Spent a little time with the cat, restrained myself from whipping my mom's new poodle with an electrical cord, and celebrated my grandmother's 74th birthday last night in the one bad mexican restaurant in north georgia, the one without any vegetarian dishes. And when did mexicans come up with a "brisket burrito" anyway, what the hell?

At any rate, I'm tooling around Atlanta now, in case any you North Georgia boys want to get together and warm up a little for the Wreckyll. Yacht Club, anyone?

Yabu's actin' all high-brow on us, telling us we're watching too much television, and that we should read books. Well, I say 'fuck that'. If I wanted to read a book, I'd join the boy scouts again or something similar, where you'd be expected to read books and stuff, weak metaphors notwithstanding.

I can think of several movies that were better than their book counterparts:

"The Shawshank Redemption", for example. The book (short story actually) was great, but the film was even better.

"Stand By Me" was based on a story in the same book, and it was also a damn fine movie, which I found better than the written version.

"One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" is also a possibility. Both the book and movie pretty freaking good.

"Bladerunner" walks all over the short story it was based on, "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sleep", as does "Star Wars", which was a book Lucas wrote a couple of years before the movie came out.

"Re-animator" is better than the H.P. Lovecraft story it was based on, although that's not really fair, considering the story was only about 3 pages long.

"Bram Stoker's Dracula", corny as it is, is less corny than the book. The book is absolutely horrible.

Frankenstein, however, is a great book, even better than the fine film version starring Robert de Niro, IMHO.

"The Ten Commandments" is better than the Bible, if only because it's shorter and got better editing.

There.

I almost never trust my gut. He's almost always wrong, for example when he's telling me I'll puke if I drink one more whiskey. Pfffft. I haven't puked due to alcohol or illness in over 10 years, I'll tell you when I'm a-done drinking, you bastard little gut. You mind your own business, like processing large amounts of fiber and vegetable material into nigh-unpassable log-jams that are shameful yet exhilarating for the right people. For my kind of people.

At any rate, in reference to what Sam's got up at the moment, I'll agree with little mister pay-your-bill-and-let's-get-some-sleep gut. That chick killed her own driver after the motor block got shot out and the car ground to a halt. Maybe even before. There's no way that an Italian Secret Service agent is going to try and run an American roadblock, period, especially not to protect a communist reporter, which is worse than counter-productive: It would be the quickest way to get her killed that you could think of. Secret Service agents, even Italian ones, are many things, but they're not stupid. That's a high-skills job.

We all know it; she should just admit. Bitch killed her own bodyguard, mark my words.

My girlfriend is in the shower right now, preparing for her big night. She's old enough now, so I figured it's time for her introduction to the beautiiful, sensual world of Southwestern Corn Bread. When she comes back to the kitchen, I'll have it waiting for her, hot and ready. She's Bavarian, and therefore had a conservative upbringing, where the subject of Southwestern Corn Bread was often treated as taboo, or dirty, something to be done with shame or loathing, and only when absolutely necessary.

This is where I feel our different backgrounds complement one another. Where I come from, Southwestern Corn Bread, when shared among two people who love each other, is a beautiful, noble thing. Perhaps the best of things. It is something to be celebrated; it is something that binds two people closer together.

I'll be gentle, and take the burden of the Southwestern Corn Bread upon myself. I repeat, I shall be gentle. Perhaps when I'm back in Germany, we can invite her sister over for some hot 2-on-1 Southwestern Corn Bread action.

UPDATE: That may very well have been the best damn piece of Southwestern Cornbread I've ever had. Just...damn!

but I was bored, and figured a little self-meme-abuse was in order. So, let's see, what's the nearest book. Ah, "Vor Drehbeginn. Effektive Planung von Film- und Fernsehproduktionen." (Peter Dress)

Page 123:

Bei Pfändung und Beschlagnahme auf den Auszahlungsanspruch, ruht dieser und tritt erst wieder in Kraft, wenn die Pfändung und Beschlagnahme aufgehoben ist. Der Produzent tritt bereits jetzt alle Rechte und Ansprüche aus sämtlichen abgeschlossenen und noch abzuschließenden Verwertungsverträgen, in dem in 4 Ziffer 2-genannten Umfang hiermit an die Bank ab. Die Bank nimmt hiermit die Abtretung an.

You dig that? Die Bank nimmt hiermit die Abtretung an, dude. Words of wisdom, my friend. Words of wisdom.

So so, the open source community is abuzz that the Mozilla Foundation is considering dumping the Mozilla Suite in favor of Firefox. I thought that was the plan all along, but I guess I was mistaken.

I like using the Mozilla Suite for several reasons. I'm the kind of person that takes notes with the HTML composer, because it generates cross-platform, linkable, formattable documents, and plus the little button's always been down there in the lower left-hand corner. The mail client is better than Thunderbird, and has worked well with IMAP servers since at least Netscape 4. The chat client always struck me as a waste of 8x16 pixels. The sidebars are cool.

That being said, I've not used it for months on Windows, and only sparingly on Mac or Linux. On Windows, Firefox is the go-to guy, because I rarely surf on Windows anyway and I'll be damned if I'll fire up that spyware-injector from Microsoft. On Mac and Linux, however, KHTML has got me convinced.

C'mon, KDE geeks, and get Konqueror and KMail ported over to Windows!

Dear fellow residents of Germany: If somebody's raping you on a daily basis, are you sure you want to start paying for their Viagra? Jungs, don't load the mugger's gun for him, 'k?

via Augie

Why is it that under Linux, in this year of our Lord 2005, Firefox still hangs when XMMS is running? Why is it that all my CUPS print queues are named lp-something, with the comment 'configured by redhat-printer-config-0.6.x', when I'm not running Red Hat, but Fedora Core 3? Why is there still no way to reconfigure X11 without restarting it? Why is all this a problem, when Linux is supposedly the most advanced operating system evar?

Well, because Linux isn't really the problem. Linux is a kernel. It works pretty well, all things considered. Firefox isn't the problem either, nor is XMMS. Firefox hangs because XMMS has the sound card open, and some browser plugins really don't like that. Apparently they don't teach people to thread around blocking calls in programming class any more. The problem is integration, and it exists in Linux because people are so busy tossing out cookie-cutter distributions that nobody thinks about actually making sure their shit is usable.

The open source community has given anyone looking to build their own desktop a huge head start. There are building blocks for every aspect of system functionality, but there still isn't anyone who's tied them together into a free desktop without making a huge mess of things. Consider the following open source software projects:

• CUPS
• Samba
• Apache
• X.org

•
These are system-level services that are useful on any desktop. One interesting tidbit about these packages is that they are simultaneously available on the world's most usable operating system, Mac OS X, and the world's least usable operating system not written in Brainfuck, Linux. The difference between the two is only in management complexity. OS X has a preference pane which controls basic configuration options for Samba, CUPS, and Apache. With Linux distributions, virtually no work was put into making sure these programs are either easily and consistently configurable or even installed with sensible defaults. They just took the things, made RPMs out of them, and tossed the steaming pile out the door. Otherwise, there's no difference between the platforms' implementations of these software packages.

Well, there is one thing: X11. X11 on Linux is a dinosaur, and is the single biggest impediment to a good free desktop. There's been some progress made after the implosion of XFree86, but the initial spurt of activity seems to be over, and we're still editing XF86Config and restarting eighty times just to get the fucking mouse-wheel to work. Except now it's called xorg.conf, but don't let the name fool you, it sucks just as bad. X11 on the Mac, on the other hand, just works, as we've come to expect. It's not made by X.org, and is not a fork of XFree86 as far as I know.

For a while, I was convinced that Linux's problem was the sheer complexity of the installations out there today. I've got a Fedora Core 3 server in the office with 799 RPMs installed. A server shouldn't need that many, in my opinion. I mean, really, what do I need X11 and gnome-print for if neither X nor Gnome are on the server? It's irrelevant, really. The problem isn't the complexity of the distributions, at least not directly. It may seem like an insurmountable job for the distribution's builder's just to make sure everything works without crashing, let alone actually trying to get any of the own software written that may make something useful out of the 4-gig 'basic' installation.

So maybe, just maybe, they should just start with a base package of the kernel, and nothing else. Tack on an FTP client. Make sure it works correctly, test it a bit. Ok, now let's take a look at those building blocks.

CUPS

I'll admit, I was taken in at first by this article on CUPS' usability problems. CUPS does fail to provide a sensible printing environment for users who just want to print, which would mean most of us. Then I thought about the fact that OS X uses CUPS without the problems this fellow had. In fact, the CUPS problems I've had using OS X only showed up when I was using a Linux machine as a server. Under Linux, I still have absolutely no idea which driver I should use for my HP Deskjet 930c. There are about 50 different drivers called 'New Deskjet 900-series' in the configuration pages, and some foomatic things, and then there's some gimp-print drivers that almost sound like what I need, and all the ones I've tried out to this point provide truly shitty output when printing from a CUPS client, be it OS X or Linux.

Connected to the Mac, it just works, and OS X filters the printer drivers in some way, so that the correct printer driver is easy to find and provides good-looking output. So, the CUPS system itself is not the problem. It needs a management UI, which should be provided with the distribution, and it needs to be installed with sensible defaults. It's my LAN, I want to print to that shared printer, OK?

Samba

I'm comfortable configuring samba from the smb.conf file, but aside from changing the server string and the workgroup, there's nothing to see here, move along. Build a start-stop applet, and put it where I can find it.

Apache

We're trying to build a networked desktop here, so let's just make another start-stop button for this thing. Some sensible defaults, like user-directories enabled, run on port 80, and show directory listings, don't follow symlinks, you get the picture. Ok, we're moving now!

X.org

This is really hopeless. There are no sensible defaults, because of the wide range of graphics hardware and input hardware out there. This is the most basic piece of a GUI-based system, and it's the weakest point of integration in any Linux distribution I've ever installed.

I've never seen a customized or enhanced version of X11 in a Linux distribution. Have you? There are no effects or enhancements that don't come first through the CVS at X.org, which is a rocky, bare, and lethargic place just like its predecessor at XFree86. I'm not sure how well anyone can create management tools for X.org, but maybe somebody out there will one day make a xorg.conf-editor that actually works half as well as the display properties dialog in Windows XP.

Once we've got these 3 elements & 1 albatross working stably, Linux will actually be ready to move into the user applications level of integration. That part should be easy.

My girlfriend had to get up early this morning and go to the doctor. Some sort of girl thing, I believe, and I've left the details as sketchy as possible in my little pea brain. Right before she left, she bent over to give me a little peck on the forehead, and my first experience of the morning was a face-full of beautiful, shining cleavage. Every day should start that way.

After she came back from the doctor, we ate breakfast. I didn't have much of an appetite, so I pardoned myself early and got ready for work. When I came back into the kitchen, she was sitting in the corner of the kitchen, playing footsie with herself. I'm still not exactly sure what that was about, but it was strangely exciting.

On the way to work, I walked past a clothing store, and there was an attractive young asian woman fondling a naked female mannequin. She was just staring into space, running her hands slowly up and down the hips of this well-proportioned, though headless and armless torso. She noticed me licking the glass and giggled nervously. She probably realized she had been added to that twisted playlist that runs on repeat in the dollar-a-minute peep-show booth that my brain has become.

Acidman's writing about bats. I used to be afraid of spiders, but I was never afraid of bats. Bats were always kind of exotic and cool, even though they were everywhere when I was a kid. Spiders, on the other hand, were just flat-out scary. I despised those hateful little bastards. It probably dated back to the time when we were swimming at my grandpa's pool, and my dad got out of the water and put on his tanktop, only to discover that a black widow had moved in and staked out a claim. Despite being a big tough man who had survived marriage, spoiled children, and repeated attempts by the Viet Cong to shorten his life, his reaction could only be described as "losing one's shit." Not that I blame him. He handled it a lot better than I would've. At least he didn't scream, "for the love of God, take the children!" as I undoubtedly would've.

Despite being somewhat tough in other respects, I suffered for years with arachnophobia. Even little wolf-spiders would set my blood a-curdling. I never got over the fear until I met this little beauty: the Gold Weaver Spider, of the Australian Persuasion(I've got a great photo of this bastard. I'll post it as soon as I can find it). The Gold Weaver is about as big as a dinner plate, and likes to build her web across bike paths and swimming pools. She's the biggest land spider in the world, and I actually touched one. That was right before I wet my pants, screamed like a girl, and finally got over my arachnophobia. Pretty much in that order.

As for bats, Australia doesn't really have bats, as far as I can tell. They've got flying foxes. Picture a bat with red hair and a 7-foot wingspan, and you've got a flying fox. If you're scared of anything in the animal kingdom, just go to Oz, and you'll see enough of them on a day-to-day basis to get over it.

It's cold outside and snowin' like a bastid. I could really use a warm, sunny patch of grass and a cooler full of Budweiser right about now.

1. Who the hell do you think you are?

I am the all-being, master of space, time and dimension. And I live in Europe.


2. So, other than blogging, what's your job? Do you work at some fast food joint, dumbass?

I am a self-employed designer, programmer, writer, and network administrator. Fast food joints pay better.

3. Do you have like any experience in journalism, idiot?

I am, hilariously enough, a book critic for a local magazine. That cracks me up.

4. Do you even read newspapers?

In Europe, you don't 'read' newspapers. You turn to page three and look at tits, the way God intended.

5. Do you watch any other news than FOX News propaganda, you ignorant fool?

I don't get Fox. In fact, I don't have a television. I used to have a television in my old apartment, but there were never more than three channels that came in, and they were always showing cheese documentaries.

6. I bet you're some moron talk radio listener too, huh?

I have no car, and thus no radio. I listen to 80s trash on my iPod sometimes, though.

7. So, do you get a fax from the GOP each day for what to say, you @#$% Republican parrot?

No, I get my marching orders per email.

8. Why do you and your blogger friends want to silence and fire everyone who disagrees with you, fascist?

Because they disagree with us, and it's unpleasant when people agree with us. Get me?

9. Are you completely ignorant of other countries, or do you actually own a passport?

See 1.

10. Have you even been to another country, you dumb hick?

See 1. I went to Belgium once, too. I think that's in Europe, too, but they talk all funny.

11. If you're so keen on the war, why haven't you signed up, chickenhawk?

Because I am what the kids today would call a 'pussy'.

12. Do you have any idea of the horrors of war? Have you ever reached into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face?

No, but this one time I dropped acid, and I reached into a pile of silvery, morphing goo that used to be my best friend's copy of "Watchmen" (Dave Gibbons, Alan Moore). Very unnerving.

13. Have you ever reached into any pile of goo?

Yes. While making veggie burgers, you'll spend about 15-30 minutes with your hands in a big pile of lentils, mashing them into a sort of yellow-brown paste that smells like the breath of Satan with curry-powder for effect. Then, you stuff the lentils into a plastic bag and lay them on the patient's chest to avoid contamination, and calmly administer morphine while waiting for a medic.

14. Once again, who the hell do you think you are?!"

I...I don't remember. I used to be taller and better-looking. And funny. Now, I'm going bald on my left leg and can't think of anything to say.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to get down to the immigration office and get my residence application turned down.


Via Ravnwood

Woof! Woof!

Well, hey Lassie! What's the trouble?

WOOF!

What's that you say?! Rube's trapped under a Dell Inspiron 5100?! We've got to help him! I'll get Paw!

A customer just brought this abomination of a clunker to me for fixin'. I've become such a smug Mac fanboy that I almost refused. This thing is a Cadillac among computers: Weighs about 11 lbs., creaks and squeaks when you type on it, and most of the little rubber feet have fallen off the bottom. The visual design is tasteless and obvious, made with cheap materials, something like a Trabbi with metallic-blue plastic wheels (which actually complements XP quite nicely). The track pad is squirrelly, and clicks and drags and jumps and springs like a dusted-up ferret.

Speaking of which, it also required a repair-install of Windows XP, which just served to sweeten the mixture. You'll never see such a dismal, patronizing display of wrong-headed tips, hints, and Are-You-Sure? stubbornness as the re-loading of a Microsoft operating system. It looks like a Warhol painting reproduced by a color-blind retard. Well, another color-blind retard. Everything is painted in primary colors, with enormous window controls and constant beeps, bloops, and blips that only distract you while trying to crack the activation scheme. And was somebody really so impressed by that over-saturated meadow photo that they decided to make it the default desktop background in perpetuity?

I've never understood how Dell can constantly be rated tops in support. This machine has a well-known problem, judging by the comments at ZDNet or just about anywhere else you check: The heat-sink isn't protected from dust in any way, and so the desktop-version 2.8GHz P4 that's sitting on the motherboard just overheats and shuts off the computer every 5 minutes. The customer spent the last 5 days talking to Dell support about this, and the first solution was always to re-install the operating system. That's always Dell's solution, it seems. Apparently, they've moved that troubleshooting tip up to the call center, instead of back at the repair shop where it belongs.

All you need to do to 'fix' this problem, is blow really hard into the fan vent on the backside of the computer. It may not be a real fix, in addition to looking rather silly, but it works. Then, to get around the poor design decision of putting the fan on the underside of the computer, where something as simple as missing rubber feet will cut off all air flow to the processor, you just slide a slim cd jewel case underneath the front edge of the computer. Asuming it isn't crushed by the sheer weight of the computer, it should give just enough room underneath for air to get in.

The next problem was that, after all the damage done by the Dell support guys, including the wholesale deletion of the C:\Windows directory, none of Dell's hardware worked correctly. USB ports? Forget it. Dell's answer: Re-install. My answer: 1 minute with Google to find the solution (thanks, Mr. Greene, nice work). It was this way with almost all problems the laptop had, and it's a story I will repeat inexhaustibly the next time I'm explaining to them why a $2000 P4 laptop is a worse choice than a $2500 Powerbook. Looks great on paper, but brother, the shit just...don't...work. It's made to the lowest standards, and the tech support solutions you receive are actually worse than the problem. I don't blame them: I wouldn't want to support XP either. But that was their decision. They should start developing to SkyOS.

I've never like Dell. I've always found their combination of stodgy, Warsaw Pact case design coupled with pimp-of-the-minute detail work disastrous. They can't give effective support for their products, and often border on destructive 'troubleshooting' tips that are obvious time-buying ploys to get the customer off the phone. I've had my differences with Apple tech support, but not once did the first support-o-droid on the phone tell me to reformat my hard drive to fix an overheating problem. Over-priced junk, the whole line.

I just made square biscuits. That's how lazy I am.

who doesn't care if I'm a one-way mirror?
who's not frightened by my cold exterior?
who doesn't ask me questions?
who doesn''t want to scold me?
who doesn't look for answers?
who just wants to hold me?

(hint: Isn't this a dream come true? Isn't this a nightmare, too?)

It will slip through your fingers like sand, the energy of your youth. At some point, in your dotage, you'll hear a song that will remind you of a girl you knew, maybe when your were seventeen, or maybe thirty. You may push it out of your mind for a while; a few decades, and years, and lifetimes, but there it is, waiting for you, in a little-visited dusty corner of your mind, where the cobwebs gather like ghosts. There was once a child in you, in all of us, who struggled against the world, and the limits it set for him, arbitrarily. This child had dreams, and plans for the future, and limitless possibilities. It's easy to hate this child, with his bright future and idealistic sensibilities. The reflex of old age is to hate such children, to despise their ignorance. But I've got a special relationship with the eager beaver behind me. I listen to him, and think about what he wants. There were dreams, and longing, and heartbreaking hopes between fast friends, all but forgotten now, lost in the din of the small worries that mar an adult life.

The only thing that stood in my way then is gone now. I'd do well to remember that.

Not after tonight, at any rate.

Barbecue, anybody?

Welcome to the pleasure dome, Howie. Lawrence, Kansas, the heart of conservative America, not to mention far-right gunslinging drug-addled nutcase William S. Burroughs, lordy, where are they when you need them, those big-iron boys.

danny say:

It's a dead man's party
Who could ask for more
Everybody's comin', leave your body at the door
Leave your body and soul at the door . . .

Got my best suit and my tie
Shiny silver dollar on either eye
I hear the chauffeur comin' to my door
He Says there's room for maybe just one more . . .

Go read a beautiful thought.

Being away for a long time is something everyone should do at some point, or at least have done to them. There's nothing like being rotated back, and that moment, after a year overseas, when you put your arms around your baby, your mama, or your brother. I think the only bad part is how much longer it is for you than it is for the people back home. I remember when I came back to the States after being out of the country for two years, and so many people said, 'what? I didn't realize you were out of the country!' And I was like, fucker! I just been to every goddamn corner of the world, wanting every minute to get back home in case something happened without me, and you fuckers didn't notice I was gone?! Fucker!

Well, anyway, Sandy writes it better.

I mean, how hard would it've been to do the following?

1. Press Print-Screen (BMP Saved to desktop)

Nowadays, it's the following:

1. Press Print-Screen
2. Open graphics program (Photoshop, etc)
3. Make "New Document"
4. Paste clipboard contents (the 'Print-Screen')
5. Save as...
6. Choose filename
7. Save

Of course, I've left out a couple of steps, such as, 'Figure out what the hell to do with a .BMP file'. Why does Windows default to BMP's? Does Windows use DisplayBMP(tm)? I know that if you make screenshots in KDE, with KSnapShot (an excellent application, BTW), you get PNG's on your desktop. In OS X, you get PDF's, which is understandable considering PDF is the native Mac graphic format.

In all fairness, I think you can press Alt-Print-Screen and it copies just the active window, but I gave up trying to memorize the difference between the two years ago. I mean, there's a key that says 'PrintScreen' right there on the keyboard, and it doesn't work, actually.

I usually avoid Instapundit, due to envy and a general sense of inadequacy. But this is awfully hard to resist.

I like Condi, even though I know next to nothing about her that I haven't read in New York Post. But still, I think a losing Rice candicacy in 2008 will be the one thing to finally put a nail in the coffin of the American Democratic party, and free up the left side of the aisle for a viable liberal party. There's no way the powers-that-be on the right or the left will let a black woman get elected to the Presidency, no matter how qualified she is.

The powers-that-be on both sides are going to have to expose themselves for what they are, and give up their positions to the ideologies that drive the parties. The Democrats will die by the light of day, and the Republicans will take a hit. But what's left over will be a truly conservative party for people of that persuasion, and the solution to the paradox of the left: namely, the guilt-based crypto-socialist nexus that they aspire to today will be replaced by the more libertarian version of an unregulated, merit-based identity hierarchy where the government plays no role.

It's win-win, Condi, at least for everybody but you. Take one for the team. Whatever Dimmer gets elected in 2008 will have a Republican VP, and will probably both be impeached before the end of 2009.

Wheee! The Powerbook's back!

For those who don't understand OS X, here's the deal: Picture Linux, but with plugins, Photoshop, drivers, the functionality of OS/2 (except with applications to take advantage of it), Microsoft Office (so you can communicate with the cretins who still don't understand that 99.9999% of modern communication should be formatted in plain-text, or, if you need italics to communicate effectively, XHTML). On top of that, there're binary distributions of joe, ncftp, and just about anything else that lets you get shit done.

Ahhh. It's good to be home again. After 3 days of Windows, I feel like somebody just invented the computer. Now, I simply must download some porno, if you'll excuse me...

UPDATE: Oh, yeah, not to mention effective OpenGL window rendering. Hooo-wee! Wonder what the poor people are doin'?

UPDATE II: DisplayPDF, anyone?

Fly my pretties, fly!

Now if I can only get my Powerbook back, I'll be able to continue my role as a smug, obnoxious Mac fanboy. Maybe I should boot back into slackware in meantime. At least there be bash there.

There's something about being an admin that makes people crazier than shithouse rats. Case in point, wherein Sam goes all Letterman on a bitchy PC.

There's nothing like frothy-mouthed violence upon inanimate objects to still the raging blood of a pissed-off computer guy. Too often, we have to smile and keep up appearances for our customers, lest we lose the illusion of being in control of a situation.

The best revenge I ever got to exact on a computer? At my old company, we had a Novell server that kept losing data. Eventually, we tracked it down to its Micropolis drives, which seemed to just be spinning bits off into space, despite being mirrored and duplexed. We called Micropolis, and they denied it could be the drives up until the warranty ran out, then they sent a recall notice for drives that were still under warranty.

So, my boss and I took the drives out, stacked them up a back room, and spent about 2 hours shooting them with a crossbow. A real crossbow, using 8-inch stainless steel bolts.

Micropolis + Crossbow == AWESOME!!!1

I don't want to say it's snowing like hell outside, but this morning, after hacking Scatman Crothers to death, I limped all the way to work with an axe yelling "Danny boy!" in a high, gurgling scream.

The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.

Author Hunter S. Thompson Kills Himself

Thompson was an insane dickhead, but goddamn I loved his writing. Although I disagree with every single moral principle he put down in in books like "Fear in Loathing in Las Vegas" and "Generation of Swine", he did it all with a style and humor that kept me in bloody stitches.

He was a huge influence on me when I was younger, wanting to be a writer, trying to find my own growling inner voice to tell the stories in my head.

Rest in peace, Hunter.

The world, without the moral guidance that only a Pope can bring, refused stubbornly once again this afternoon to spin out of its orbit and into a black hole of anal sex-play and contraception. The will of the West seems to be made of sturdier stuff.

At any rate, it's time to play plant the Pope. I wonder if the Catholics will go nuts and knock him out of his coffin and tear off parts of his body to keep as relics. Nah, only a bunch of complete nutjobs would pull that kind of stunt.

Well, just got through with the really tough work, and now it's time for a cookout! Y'all have a nice weekend, and don't forget Saturday Night at Manuel's Tavern!

Wow, now this is what I flew all the way over here for. It's 80 degrees outside, sunny, and I'm sitting in a café in East Atlanta, drinking coffee and enjoying wireless, surrounded by big, comfy chairs and non-judgemental people of mixed races who are also tapping away on laptops, although generally of the *ahem* Windows variety. Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you, just saying.

Of course, the whole café is non-smoking, but I'll look past that. I'm not sure I can get any work done in such a clean-air environment, but I'll give it a shot. Or go play frisbee, one or the other.

UPDATE:

Ouch. Sorry baby, but as they say: better her than me.

Debauchery for a Good Cause.

On Saturday, March 26th, there will be a benefit for Frank of Virginia-Highlands at Manuel's Tavern on North Avenue. Frank collapsed four months ago at work, and has been in the hospital ever since. He has fought his way back to possible recovery, even after doctors pronounced his case hopeless months ago. He's back from the brink of death, but will probably be in the hospital until at least early next year.

So, there will be a trivia contest, lots o' drinking, and lots of interesting people to meet, including me, Rube. All the proceeds are going to Frank's hospital bills.

Check back here for the exact time, and updates.

Frank's not doing too good. The time for Saturday is 7:00 PM, and y'all are all welcome to come by for free food and drink, as long as you pay the $25 for admission. Now come on out and get yo trivia on. Says Leigh. And she should know.

Howdy, Folks! (Hey, Sweetie!)

Been a couple a days. How y'all doin'? I landed in Atlanta on Monday afternoon, and have spent a little time settling in. It's a lot better than I thought it would be. There are W '04 bumper stickers everywhere, for example, and a nice low buzz of fear instilled by Bushitler and his jack-booted thugs at CNN and the Atlanta Journal-Consitution. That Rove is a genius; his tendrils are everywhere, and Project AmeriKKKa is coming along nicely.

Spent a little time with the cat, restrained myself from whipping my mom's new poodle with an electrical cord, and celebrated my grandmother's 74th birthday last night in the one bad mexican restaurant in north georgia, the one without any vegetarian dishes. And when did mexicans come up with a "brisket burrito" anyway, what the hell?

At any rate, I'm tooling around Atlanta now, in case any you North Georgia boys want to get together and warm up a little for the Wreckyll. Yacht Club, anyone?

Yabu's actin' all high-brow on us, telling us we're watching too much television, and that we should read books. Well, I say 'fuck that'. If I wanted to read a book, I'd join the boy scouts again or something similar, where you'd be expected to read books and stuff, weak metaphors notwithstanding.

I can think of several movies that were better than their book counterparts:

"The Shawshank Redemption", for example. The book (short story actually) was great, but the film was even better.

"Stand By Me" was based on a story in the same book, and it was also a damn fine movie, which I found better than the written version.

"One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" is also a possibility. Both the book and movie pretty freaking good.

"Bladerunner" walks all over the short story it was based on, "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sleep", as does "Star Wars", which was a book Lucas wrote a couple of years before the movie came out.

"Re-animator" is better than the H.P. Lovecraft story it was based on, although that's not really fair, considering the story was only about 3 pages long.

"Bram Stoker's Dracula", corny as it is, is less corny than the book. The book is absolutely horrible.

Frankenstein, however, is a great book, even better than the fine film version starring Robert de Niro, IMHO.

"The Ten Commandments" is better than the Bible, if only because it's shorter and got better editing.

There.

I almost never trust my gut. He's almost always wrong, for example when he's telling me I'll puke if I drink one more whiskey. Pfffft. I haven't puked due to alcohol or illness in over 10 years, I'll tell you when I'm a-done drinking, you bastard little gut. You mind your own business, like processing large amounts of fiber and vegetable material into nigh-unpassable log-jams that are shameful yet exhilarating for the right people. For my kind of people.

At any rate, in reference to what Sam's got up at the moment, I'll agree with little mister pay-your-bill-and-let's-get-some-sleep gut. That chick killed her own driver after the motor block got shot out and the car ground to a halt. Maybe even before. There's no way that an Italian Secret Service agent is going to try and run an American roadblock, period, especially not to protect a communist reporter, which is worse than counter-productive: It would be the quickest way to get her killed that you could think of. Secret Service agents, even Italian ones, are many things, but they're not stupid. That's a high-skills job.

We all know it; she should just admit. Bitch killed her own bodyguard, mark my words.

My girlfriend is in the shower right now, preparing for her big night. She's old enough now, so I figured it's time for her introduction to the beautiiful, sensual world of Southwestern Corn Bread. When she comes back to the kitchen, I'll have it waiting for her, hot and ready. She's Bavarian, and therefore had a conservative upbringing, where the subject of Southwestern Corn Bread was often treated as taboo, or dirty, something to be done with shame or loathing, and only when absolutely necessary.

This is where I feel our different backgrounds complement one another. Where I come from, Southwestern Corn Bread, when shared among two people who love each other, is a beautiful, noble thing. Perhaps the best of things. It is something to be celebrated; it is something that binds two people closer together.

I'll be gentle, and take the burden of the Southwestern Corn Bread upon myself. I repeat, I shall be gentle. Perhaps when I'm back in Germany, we can invite her sister over for some hot 2-on-1 Southwestern Corn Bread action.

UPDATE: That may very well have been the best damn piece of Southwestern Cornbread I've ever had. Just...damn!

but I was bored, and figured a little self-meme-abuse was in order. So, let's see, what's the nearest book. Ah, "Vor Drehbeginn. Effektive Planung von Film- und Fernsehproduktionen." (Peter Dress)

Page 123:

Bei Pfändung und Beschlagnahme auf den Auszahlungsanspruch, ruht dieser und tritt erst wieder in Kraft, wenn die Pfändung und Beschlagnahme aufgehoben ist. Der Produzent tritt bereits jetzt alle Rechte und Ansprüche aus sämtlichen abgeschlossenen und noch abzuschließenden Verwertungsverträgen, in dem in 4 Ziffer 2-genannten Umfang hiermit an die Bank ab. Die Bank nimmt hiermit die Abtretung an.